Sorry

I feel so lost

I wanna cry

But I can't

I wish I could scream

Let out all my rage 

But I can't

I hold it in 

But 14 years of trauma is a lot 

I'm trynna be cool 'bout it 

But I'm getting desperate

Taking wrong turns

Hurting myself

Bleeding at night

But I don't cry 

I just let the pain flow

I wish I could speak 

But my mouth is paralyzed

My mind whispers & talks what can't be said out loud

It's driving me crazy not to speak

To not express myself

To say that I hate myself

& anyone who abused of me

Who treated me like an object of pleasure

That I can't love anymore

That I'm too afraid to show emotion

I can't stop bleeding

I can't tell you what I'm doing

But my skin shows it

I'm scattered

I find myself lost in the darkest places

Maybe one day I'll escape 

But for now, i'm stuck

For now, I can't anymore

I'm sorry