MISSED TAKES alt version
So I've been trying to write a story,
But it turned into a song
There's no villain
No Hero's Glory
In this tale they don't belong
No dramatic pause
No twists. No turns
No lessons to be learned
But Now I sing ,my writings blurry cuz of crying all night long
I’ve been Trying to write this story, But now, it turned into a song.
A Mythical End , I’m sure ,
already you surmise, cue nary a violin to announce cliche’
No mystery here and no surprise
The Next Words I spoke
Darkened The Day
Wrenching Destiny ,a twisted choke
She Vowed to Leave
She got her way
But Wait, There is a villain in this story
Complete with lyrics that don’t belong
I’ll Invent a Hero with fabled glory, Ignore the facts , nobody wants to hear my Song
Print the legend , Grab a pen, then I’ll Turn the tune into the story !
Bobby O
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Author:
Bobby O (
Offline) - Published: May 3rd, 2023 21:48
- Comment from author about the poem: Another version w an ending that doesn’t visit the Esoteric style of the last approach.
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 7
Offline)
Comments2
This is a good demonstration of why songs are instinctual and stories are more innate-the songs are so automatic and don’t require all the elements you mentioned-yet we complicate things-this piece was intellectually stimulating and thank you for that-
Thanks. Wondering how the other version hits you. It’s more exoteric and it’s the version o prefer. Your comment is gracious and much appreciated.
I noticed the comment part but don’t seem to find the other version
MISSED TAKES 1st version
So I've been trying to write a story,
But it turned into a song
There's no villain
No Hero's Glory
In this tale they don't belong
No dramatic pause
No twists. No turns
No lessons to be
learned
But I have to sing cuz my writings blurry cuz
I've been crying all night long
Trying to write this story, and it turned into a song.
Surely, The plot already you surmise, cue nary a violin to announce cliche’
No mystery here and no surprise
I spoke those words, the ones I’d sworn I’d never say
It didn’t twist , It didn’t turn , no lesson learned , She got her way
So I was wrong , There is a villain in this story
Complete with lyrics that don’t belong
Writing not of Heroes Glory
At Least I turned it all , into a song
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Explanation of first version of MISSED TAKES
The first stanza is the dude trying to figure out how he might save the relationship he screwed up, buts it’s tricky. There really is no song , its a metaphor, it’s the noise in his head cuz he can’t figure out a plan. The blurry vision is his confused mind still desperate to not give up.
Second stanza , after a deep breath, is him facing truth. Starts out acknowledging to the reader they can guess the dilemma. The violin represents that cliche’ music in movies that tells us something dreadful is upon us, he says don’t bother cuz here comes the truth. “No mysteries , no surprise “ here. Then he admits the error. There really is no way back from what he said. And those words cud be any That one knows are the worst to say. The villain is nether person but rather the inevitability of the futility he felt cuz there was no way out. That’s the story he could not write. In the end all he’s left with are those noisy thoughts , they actually were the memories of what he had.. of course it turns out that is all that’s left. So what was in his way ( he thought) is the fond moments he will hang on to. That inevitable juxtaposition is the motion of the piece.
https://mypoeticside.com/show-poem-163449
Wow This is an entire musical:) love the plot and the progression-I was earlier stating that natural (and innate) is the way to go in the matter of the heart, even if can’t be taken back-love “the violin Cliche” background build up music-I thank you for sharing both version it seems like a cohesive mind bending piece
Ok. I’m gonna risk being overly effusive. Some of the most fun I’ve had recently is reading your incite and commentary. I posted on this FB SITE and nobody mentioned the violin. I placed that thought w some care it’s really neat that you mention and unravel my intentions perfectly. I’m grateful and anxious to shout SIMPATICO. been digging into your offerings and they are spectacular and at a level I hope to at least tickle one day. My cousin had a Doctorate in Psychology and works w compromised brain function at Northwestern Hospital, perhaps she might be someone you intersect w one day. You seem really brilliant in ways that are not just “book smart” and that’s refreshing. Don’t blush , the praise is deserved.
Thank you dear poet-you gave me the motivation and the collegial push to getting back to writing a poem soon-your humor and gracious comments also made me smile-I’m afraid time has lifted my blush-my hands are on my heart as a sign of respect-as for my trade, it has helped give me perspective, but my first love was poetry.
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