A letter to Jeremy

You out here…faking dignity

acting mortified 

When you was the one

Who caused this party

Showing up with all your sides

 

Can't let the new ones 

See you 

for who you really are

It is hard to tell the difference between 

 real and fake 

 But eat the crumbs you feed them

 Before you suck them bone dry

 

None of this was my fault

You was like this from age 5

 Your gram prayed and worried 

That you would never be the man she knew you were on the inside 

It probably killed her knowing she could do nothing to protect all the women from you

Or make you better than the abusive men 

Who were all she ever knew

But I promise I will tell her one day

that you never once cried

 

You will never sacrifice 

Your freedom

Your ego

Your time

Or your need for random females to feed your tiny self esteem 

You write about pain like you understand

But that is what you cause others

why can't you comprehend?

 

Enjoy the silence and every pain I felt

All the hurt I shared with you

You made me regret

 Telling me it was all my fault

Evil words

Out of a mouth that I loved so much you will never understand

I guess i was all to blame

So much shame

I can no longer bear…

But make sure you cry and put on a big show

like you cared about me even though

We all know

My stories were your research on how far you thought you could go 

 

You said I was 

Looney

Crazy

Bitter

Miserable

Never happy cause I figured you out

You heard what I needed and took it as an insult

And threw it back on me

And laughed

As if I was too weak..for having any needs.

But now…who cares?

I can't put it back inside

This pain has to stop with me

Just to try to make you see

How much damage you caused 

 

 Your victims were raised by narcissists.

Even if you don't believe me

And seeing your patterns..

Your girls will turn out just like me

Attract men like you who will use them

Steal their accomplishments and make them theirs

Borrow money left and right

And use them at night

Sprinkling tiny bits of affection to keep them alright.

You were absent from them for so long entertaining random girls

See it just isn't who you f*ck

your demons will also bleed into your seed

 

And I'm not reaching out

Cause I miss you

That isn't the plan

I just want you to know 

How much I actually hate you

And how weirdly this was always the plan.

 

I've been hurt by you in many forms

Over the years

You are all the same

laughing at my misfortunes

causing tears and pain

Are you all related? I don't think so

You are all just the same narcissists

Who just doesn't care.

About anyone, but themselves

With absolutely no shame

You all start with the love bombing..mirroring our emotions 

That never lasts

And then comes the cheating

I guess you aren't that bad

So I forgave and tried to forget.

Cause i had to protect my feet from the eggshells

Cause we can never talk about your cheating

cause if I do 

I am entertaining the girls you chose over me and that has nothing to do with you.

 

Who was it in Denver you just had to text? I laid there and watched you

and said tomorrow I will forget.

Did she know you were with me

 just told  me that you loved me?

Or was I was already part of your past?

But thanks again for using me

 

She will never adore you

Like I did before all the pain

And when she finally sees you 

Does she know her future will include the same?

You can pretend all you like

It will never make it right

You will die all alone as you should

not a woman in sight

I dreamt that and still felt pain

Cause I'm not you and can never be without shame

But I still dreamt that I saw you suffer and laughed out loud with all the women from your past

Cause we all knew that was coming 

See…narcissists don't care and no matter how much you try

They will never give a f*ck

Cause all we are is a lazy level up

Without any effort on their part

just a big limp d*ck and a hurtful promise

I will marry you…if you can swallow this cupcake whole

Or if you let me stick it in your other hole

In hopes your childish promises will keep you in our good graces

So we will stay quiet about a reality you could never provide.

Yet you forget I have the receipts 

Recorded in your hotel with no shame

You couldn't get enough of someone else's ass

Then came home and made me taste

Tell me, did you at least get paid?

 

Even the girls who you helped make

Will figure you out

just pick a date 

They will end up with a version of you

Who will suck their dreams right out of them

And treat them like pure hell like you all do

They won't expect love or affection

Especially no honesty from a male 

Their low self esteem will be down to zero

Cause you gave them a dollar bill to show your love

 8 hrs a week from their dad isn't making the grade

Such a shame

You see the damage done but just don't care enough to change

And I write this like a verse

Cause I know you don't understand big words

When I tried to talk to you like you was grown 

Your eyes just skimmed the page and moaned

 

So instead of just figuring it out

And leveling up on your own self

You took your dumb ass backwards 

And found someone weak 

with no teeth but nice fake designer glasses

Who lives off of the government

She could never compete 

But I don't wish you on anyone

Poor girl

And everyone says 

"Go and heal "

As if that's the answer

Well what about us who healed and healed only to be f"cked up again by another a$$hole?

How many lifetimes do I need to suffer?

Why should I have to constantly heal?

I've had to heal more minutes of unhappiness than happiness

All

Cause of some ignorant selfish boys with no self control

Who drools over photo shopped girls hoping to get some attention to feed his empty soul.

 

If I end up in a coma

I told them what to do

Come and let him see

The results of his lack of empathy

So he can take what's left of me

And go seek sympathy

Just like he did with our dead baby

Poor Jeremy

 

I am tired of raising 

Boys that are not mine

The ones I gave birth too

Would never cause a woman to cry

Turns out I'm done fixing

Some careless woman's dusty son

Who was too busy out getting any and all the d*cks on the streets

To worry about raising her own one

I know you will never comprehend

These words that i say

All you can understand

Is the fake lyrics you write each day

You will never ever make it or be where you plan 

You are supposed to be a grown ass man

But you will always need that self esteem boost that keeps you down in kiddy whore land 

So without a thought from your own brain …you write whatever you think will please the masses

Whatever social media says to write. Jeremy says "I will do just that"

All for the money and the easy pu$$y you think comes with it.  

You will never be Kendrick or Nispy cause you care too much about what others think 

Never an original

Writing about drugs and b*tches at your age

So pathetic and so typical

Of someone so out of touch

 

And I tried to hurt you

Tried to get some random guys

I had plenty of options

That sexy denver man in the blue suit

Who gave me his number and said I was too cute 

My doctor ex 

 an old FWB named Jake

But I am not you

I actually loved you

But didn't know I loved someone who spread d*ck around the community

Like it was a prize 

With no shame or remorse

And even then, I refused to hurt you

Remember when a part of you was in me?

And had the decency to die?

Knowing that half of him…would grow up to chase wh*res and not be a stand up guy?

My ex was here to help me

I needed someone to hold me and let me cry 

He held my hand in the hospital and did everything you were supposed to do

I will never forget him and I know that he is one of the

 good ones that I let go

You couldn't even speak live to me or offer a kind word, probably glad you don't have another hungry mouth you can't afford 

I guess you were too busy then…putting your d*ck inside

Some old dusty pu$$y that has 6 children to 2 different guys

 

Maybe this will cause you pain but I doubt it

You are not the weakest link but you could rock it 

Karma is a bitch

I know

the second you f*cked me over…

You started to owe.