I Only Miss You After Midnight

It’s 3:57, and I’m still stuck,

I left you on the side of the road

said I didn’t love myself

 

I miss you, and maybe that’s my own insecurities speaking

 

don’t forget me

I’ll admit, I’ve tried to forget you all this time

 

slept with countless men too

 

I’m tired of weaving myself into my own delusion

 

you said you were the only one who would ever love me, and maybe you were right

 

left you because I didn’t love myself, and I still don’t, so where did that get me?

 

I’m stuck and now it’s 4:01

I wish I could take things back

 

even if your love was choking me with fear

at least it was love, I wish I could’ve seen that sooner, and that’s my own delusion

 

I don’t have the courage to text you and tell you to love me until I love myself, I’m not the best person but you knew that

 

still, you willing loved me

 

maybe it’s my own delusion, not getting better, not being completely transparent with anyone including myself

 

I know i’m ill, I get into things and get bored faster than I move on

 

I wish you could’ve stopped me

but my actions are on me

 

I’ve tried to forget you but our sex strokes still come to me at times like this

 

still, I don’t know what it is I want, maybe you’re not even the answer

 

all I know is I don’t love myself

 

I feel so empty without you, and that’s my own fault

 

I’ve tried to be an honest man, but my own delusion keeps me astray