What now, Love?

I find it exhausting trying not to love you at all

I have so much love for you and I don't want to throw it away

But I also don't want to give it to you anymore

 

So instead I just hold onto it

I keep it in my pocket

 

When it gets heavy and pokes me I shuffle in my seat and squirm a little

People ask, "What's in your pocket?"

I say "Oh, just something I'm holding onto for a friend"

 

At night I leave it on my bedside table and hope it doesn't fall under my bed

If it does, even better

 

Friends don't like to see me carrying it around

They try to throw it away

They take it at night and hide it in a drawer, or throw it over a bridge

 

They do it for me, to set me free

In the morning I wake up though and there it is

Still safely in my pocket

 

It's okay though, it's not a burden 

I get so used to it that sometimes I forget it's even there

Until it burns again

Just a little

 

It doesn't mean harm

It's only a gentle reminder of my humanity

An ode to humility

To teach me that I can never be free of pain, only strong enough to bare it