Thesaurus Girl

I miss the time when

soap was just soap

and not a reminder of the shower i took

before my parents

announced their divorce

 

i miss the time when

ice clinking against a metal cup

was just that

and not a trigger for tears

as my aunt who passed away

always carried a cup

with ice that drummed melodies

against its insulated walls

 

i miss the time when

friendship wasn't scary

before people became placeholders for my boundaries

as others had crossed them in the past

 

i miss the time when

pop was my favorite genre

when the teenage dream i heard about

in songs was still far away

and i wasn’t afraid

of never fulfilling that dream

as I enter my 20s

 

i miss the time when

i asked my parents what words mean

and my vocabulary wasn't advanced enough

to curse your name

in the most creative ways

…

how funny it is

that words fail to mean different things

until you live life inside the pages of a thesaurus,

seeking meaning

in the mess that surrounds you.