Festering in my head

How come I think of you when I write?

Why can't you just get out of my head...

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in this mess. 

I wouldn't feel this sadness. 

I wouldn't feel this intense emotion of nothing. 

I wouldn't feel like I'm stuck in place.

I wouldn't take every drug I could find just to forget about you. 

I wouldn't drown myself in alcohol due to a form of dehydration that I now realize is from the lack of love I feel. 

I wouldn't do a lot of things if it weren't for you simply living in my brain.

You've bought your land, built a little house on a hill. You created a garden and eventually produced your own food. You sold a few plants to some neighbors. You began to feed all the other people living around you. You then decided to create stores selling your own produce, and it became such a wide franchise that now whenever someone thinks of eating, they think of you.

You've planted a seed in my head. A seed that grew incredibly fast, but is now nothing but a weed that has rendered all other living plants useless and dead. You are an invasive species invading my every thought, every word, every action. You continue to spread even as I attempt to pluck you from the cracks in the concrete side walks. 

I hate that you're gone, but I watered you for too long and lost my own essence with you.

 

- pj