i wonder

TRIGGER WARNING.

i stay up till 8am, i can hear the morning birds and there's light coming through the gaps of my curtains.

i haven't slept. i hardly do anymore.

my flashlight is always on because i see shadows in the dark and i always have music playing because i can hear whispers in my room.

i can't leave my room to go to the toilet because there's people in the hallway waiting for me. i used to sleep with my closet open because it's broken, but i forcefully jammed it shut because there's things living in there.

my brain wont shut up and the self harm wont stop. my lungs are starting to ache because i smoke too much.

i haven't seen my best friend in weeks, i used to see her everyday. i haven't even left my bed in those weeks.

i think about hurting people again, i think about leaving stalkerish letters in his mailbox. 

i wonder if i could fly. i wonder.