human

the void in my body makes me sick,
feels like i don’t have it in me.
do you?
feels like i have it missed,
the proper part,
it must be here.

i gave up smoking
and trying to pretend i can be something more,
pretend that i don’t wanna hurt myself,
but then again — there’s no one.
and no one ever looks concerned.
that’s when it gushes in me —
i know i was born to
destroy.
the scratches that i give myself keep living under the skin

do they live under yours too?

the people
us, people

the ruins of our own desires
and blameless vows.
why do we need to break, devour and absorb?
that every bone needs to be cracked,  
alive but lifeless,
eager but so numb,

i saw us starting anew.
i saw us wanting more

but found the ruins of our own desires
and blameless vows.
why do we need to run, laugh off and disappear?
that every door needs to be opened,  
loving, never loved.
i’m bleeding black

i look them in the eyes
but i just never know what has them make these choices
and end up being hurt.
when everything can stay intact,
remained untouched,
they shatter thickest glass,
they wake up ancient gods,
make fun of death

but i’m just one of them,
a part of something bigger.
i look for shadows, i’m drowning in the my sins.
my future isn’t going to come.
on full display
i peel my skin off,
not knowing why.
how come disintegration makes me

human?