I look at your face
And get lost in space
Words swirling in my head
Words that camnot be said
You see, unforbidden love
The kind shunned on from above
Is what I share with you
A love story that isn't very new
We have to hide and sneak
About our love we can't make a peep
We can only share with each other
Sometimes it's a real bother
We don't even say the words
These words will never be heard
Maybe we don't need to
Say to each other "I love you"
S. Lancastrr-Primus
-
Author:
S.Lancaster-Primus (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: September 10th, 2023 18:19
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 1
- User favorite of this poem: Soman Ragavan.
Offline)
Comments3
May I humbly suggest a technique?
Feel free
This suggestion came from a super talented poet and master ofjazz piano and it still helps me today
Write the poem , set it aside for 30 min to an hour. Then begin a rewrite using the first draft as blue print
First, we all get in the habit of pronoun overuse and if “I” appears more than three or 4
Times in the piece, mark ir circle with intentions of holding same basic content or idea but reworded without the pronoun.
Second, we all get in the habit if subject : verb sentence structure. You’ll find that simply shifting that order will add a benefit to Rythym and perhaps provide a different rhyme scheme.
You can kill two birds w one stone if you initially gives on the repeated pronouns I’ll adjust your first stanza using his guidelines
Drawn in by an inviting glance
New joy is mine looking at your face my eyes flutter as if lost in space my head now filled with a swirl of words
Thrill kept unsaid best to stay unheard
I just used your blueprint. You did the creative Then there’s many ways to reshape with just two simple guides.
Thanks for allowing me to share
Thank you so much. Much appreciated ❤️
some of the most fulfilling love stories
don't have happily ever after endings
like all things
love comes in may shapes and shades
love is love, nothing can detract
from its brilliance
even packaged in hurt and unfulfilled dreams..
(thanks for sharing, really well written)
Thank you ❤️
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.