Unspoken Words

SHELLY

I look at your face

And get lost in space

Words swirling in my head

Words that camnot be said

 

You see, unforbidden love

The kind shunned on from above

Is what I share with you

A love story that isn't very new

 

We have to hide and sneak

About our love we can't make a peep

We can only share with each other

Sometimes it's a real bother

 

We don't even say the words

These words will never be heard

Maybe we don't need to 

Say to each other "I love you"

 

                             S. Lancastrr-Primus

  • Author: S.Lancaster-Primus (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 10th, 2023 18:19
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 1
  • Users favorite of this poem: Soman Ragavan
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Comments +

Comments3

  • Bobby O

    May I humbly suggest a technique?

    • SHELLY

      Feel free

    • Bobby O

      This suggestion came from a super talented poet and master ofjazz piano and it still helps me today
      Write the poem , set it aside for 30 min to an hour. Then begin a rewrite using the first draft as blue print
      First, we all get in the habit of pronoun overuse and if “I” appears more than three or 4
      Times in the piece, mark ir circle with intentions of holding same basic content or idea but reworded without the pronoun.
      Second, we all get in the habit if subject : verb sentence structure. You’ll find that simply shifting that order will add a benefit to Rythym and perhaps provide a different rhyme scheme.
      You can kill two birds w one stone if you initially gives on the repeated pronouns I’ll adjust your first stanza using his guidelines
      Drawn in by an inviting glance
      New joy is mine looking at your face my eyes flutter as if lost in space my head now filled with a swirl of words
      Thrill kept unsaid best to stay unheard

      I just used your blueprint. You did the creative Then there’s many ways to reshape with just two simple guides.
      Thanks for allowing me to share

      • SHELLY

        Thank you so much. Much appreciated ❤️

      • L. B. Mek

        some of the most fulfilling love stories
        don't have happily ever after endings
        like all things
        love comes in may shapes and shades
        love is love, nothing can detract
        from its brilliance
        even packaged in hurt and unfulfilled dreams..
        (thanks for sharing, really well written)

        • SHELLY

          Thank you ❤️



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