The Inner Terrorist

In my ups and downs 

It comes

 

Confined in my place of solitude 

I’m a prisoner in myself 

Seeking salvation every single time 

I see they want to see it

And de-capitalize me for pleasure's sake

They call it addiction

I call it a terrorist. 

A terrorist without a weapon.

 

It comes knocking like an ordered Uber

Dressed in a camo tank outfits

With candies and lollipop for me

If I try to hide, where will that be?

From the sound of my alarm

To the clap of my padlock in the evening

It hunts me, takes control of my mind

Renders my day in jeopardy.

 

In my sovereign mindscape 

I’m a victim running away from 

temptations 

It comes like a fine darling 

One turn around and it’s an old lady in rotten clothes 

It feeds on my attention and focus

Devours my moral upright and condemns me to regret and guilt.

 

Far from the truth,

It’s an everyday battle 

Not all attacks lead to success

Many have fallen including me

The sophisticated structure of desire

Mounted on the very volatile lobe of my soul.

 

Potentially it is the desire of our flesh

From the roots of Adam

We suffer for generations 

And surfices to make judgements

Such abnormality!

 

I’m ripped off of my moral sanity 

Plagued with biddings for the Devil

Concentrated in me is the hazardous habits 

That leads me to fatality to meet Hades

Dionysus rendered my heart unresponsive

For I am a convict of self-murder.

 

Folks might say talk about it,

Perhaps talking about it 

Would offend both God and the Devil

I would become an enemy of God and an advocate for the Devil

Cause no one will see it as I do

Janet kicks back at me for keeping mute

But in the meantime, it’s the best thing for me.

 

The gamble I played with life

Is still eating me up

But you don't see it

For the cause of living have I

Layed this on myself

And an unfortunate ruin

Have I blessed myself with.

 

 Have I betrothed sleepless nights

 Or did my nights just become longer

 This is a real-life story

 That not everyone comes clean to say

 It's my wish that I would outlive this fate

 And be a better option for my peers

 Knowledge is good but

 Experience is the still the best.