self-mutation

 

fall asleep dirty,

hands sticky,

hearts fake.

wake up shallow,

legs tied,

ribs broken.

 

the sweat, drips off my back,

the blood, freezes in depths.

immortal in cries,

in deaths — a million tries.

 

sweet venom, bites on every limb,

the nightmare, it must be.

the pathetic relief

this moment — grotesquely brief.

 

the harder it curls, surrendered,

the messier i may become.

i will not let it hurt me,

nor will i let it be gone.

 

i absorb it as

 

every nerve in my body

starts

to wreck

 

and it’s suddenly dark,

hands

on my neck

 

every ship in red oceans

caves

in

 

skin shines pink, and a little

red

within 

 

and it’s

a self-violation,

every pretty bone finds its way to get hurt,

it’s a blatant invasion,

with its power to kill the blue bird

 

it’s

a self-mutation

when the words mold me into other shapes,

and it’s my transformation,

tasting sour, obnoxious. coming in waves

 

i’m everything you want me to be

and everything you will never ask.

i’m a self-incarnation,

there’s nothing to question.

 

i’m here to burn myself down.