Pain

Help!

Help me, help me

Please

Help me!

Words uttered in the recesses of my mind

Sometimes I scream so loudly

I wonder

Can’t you hear me?

Don’t you see that I’m drowning?

Hanging on by a mere thread

That is about to break?

Then, I remember

No words have been uttered from my lips

 

I feel like I’m drowning

Falling

Free falling into an endless abyss

Where my concept of reality and fantasy has now become one

Who can I turn to?

Who can I talk to?

Hello!

Is anyone listening?

Help!

Please help me

 

How do I escape the constant battle in my own mind?

I beg you

Tell me how to get a vacation from my mind

Please

I need a break

I don’t know what to do

For someone who always has words

I am now at a loss

Baffled

There are no words to describe my feelings now

Have the words left me? 

Help

Please help me

 

Why?

Why do people have to be the way they are at times?

Why do people knowingly hurt each other?

When will someone be the bigger person and say

Enough is enough!

No more!

Why is it so easy to utter words of hurt?

Does it make you feel better knowing that you’ve inflicted a deep wound

That might possibly take time to heal?

Why did you do it in the first place?

When?

When will hurting me be enough for you?

At what point will you stop?

When I am no more?

When I walk out the door?

I gave you everything

There's literally nothing left in me to give

When does the pain stop?

When will I be able to breathe again

Now that you have taken my air?

 

I hurt

I hurt so badly that I have become numb to everything and everyone

Is that what you wanted?

To reduce me to an unknown version of myself?

Someone whom no one will recognize?

Was this your intention all along

To bring me to the lowest point?

Then crush me with your feet

While I'm on the ground?

Bleeding

Crying

Begging you

Stop!

Stop!

Please stop!

But

Instead 

You laugh

Finally

I get it

You were never for me

You just pretended to be with me

To know my vulnerabilities

Yo know where to hit me for it to hurt the most

How?

How could I have been so wrong?

So foolish?

To trust you

To think that you were my biggest cheerleader, my confidante

My ride or die

My friend, my all

Guess you played me for a fool, huh?

Oh the pain!

It hurts

Its hurts so bad

This anguish

This gloomy feeling

This darkness that has overtaken me

The sun shines brightly outside

But

My insides are being twisted by an endless tornado

Turning

Churning

Breaking apart

Ripping my heart to pieces

Broken debris scattered 

Never to be mended

 

I am tired

Tired of fighting

Tired of being hurt

Tired of holding it together when all I want to do

Is just fall apart

But

I’m not allowed

Be strong

They say

Hang in there

 They say

It will get better

They say

How?

I say

How do I remain strong when the very ground I’m standing on

Is breaking

Shattering to pieces?

When?

I say

When will things get better?

After I am no more?

After my mind has lost the willpower to hold on to sanity?

I am literally hanging on by a thread

And here you come

Cutting the last piece that was holding me together

I tried

I tried so hard

To please you

To be what you wanted 

But

It was never enough

You always wanted more

And I chose to ignore

The fact that

I was not the broken one

But 

It was you

I didn’t need fixing

But you rearranged my personality 

To suit yours

I was so naive

But

No more