My I am From

I am from mountains and valleys

Rivers and oceans

I am from veins thick with the blood 

That keeps us alive

I am from the hearts deep in our chests

The ones that care too much

The ones that don’t care enough

I am from the sounds of airplanes at night

The roaring of many miles up

Keeping my imagination awake

While I try to sleep

I was from all those days and nights

Spent with you

I was from the cozy evenings

Watching movies with you

I was from the flame of your passion

Of your drive

I was from watching you draw

You were always such a good artist.

I was from the texts I sent you

Wondering if you were okay in the mildest of sickness.

And now I am from those empty thoughts at night

Wondering if you still care.

I am from those days I see you at school

Laughing along with those other girls.

I am from wondering if you still know I exist.

From laughing and cheering

To depression and isolation.

I am from wondering if you know what this has done to me.

I am from those nights

Sitting alone in my room

Trying to forget about you

I am from crying myself to sleep

Regretting everything

I am from the anger I felt towards you

After I got over the sadness

I am from the sadness I still feel now.

I am from the temporary happiness

That comes after anger.

I am from the times I felt I could laugh and never stop

I am from the nights when it only took five minutes to fall asleep

I am from the nights after, when it took thirty.

I am from the nights after that, taking hours to fall asleep.

I am from the nights

Where I didn’t sleep at all.

I am from the nights

Where all I thought about

Was you

I am from waiting and watching

Wondering and listening

I am from wanting to come back

And from hating your guts

I am from feeling like I do not belong

I am from feeling like you didn't care

I am from wondering if this pressure I feel in my chest

Is normal

I am from knowing it isn't

But I am from everything else too

The world isn't just you

To me it was 

To me it still kind of is

I am from knowing I have access to help

I am from refusing that same help

I am from finding family among new friends

I am from being depressed.

I am from you

And your love

I am from the emptiness you left

I am from knowing it was me

Who left you