Chasm

There is a chasm where my heart should be 

I've tried to fill it up countless times 

With exercise and diets, food and distractions, self-harm and restriction 

But no matter how much I put in 

The darkness seems to swallow it whole 

And afterwards there's still the same emptiness within me.

 

I've tried to stitch myself back up 

Attempting to bridge the gap and close the chasm

I've tried therapy, medication, journalling; I did everything right 

But the harder I pull on my skin to close it up 

The more it tears and the bigger the chasm gets 

Nothing seems to work.

 

I wonder if it wouldn't be better to jump into the chasm myself 

It would be so easy to let the darkness swallow me whole 

One slice, one jump, one pill too many 

And I can just erase myself from existence 

But I'm afraid of the emptiness I'll leave behind 

That with my absence things will only get darker for the ones that love me.

 

There is a chasm where my heart should be 

But I don't want to make chasms in place of other people's hearts as well 

I wouldn't wish this emptiness on anyone 

So I think I'll stay for a little while longer 

Standing at the edge of the chasm looking at my darkness 

And wondering if there'll ever be light again.