Breakup, Breakdown

Its funny how

I really thought you were the one

That you weren't like the other crowds

But I was wrong

You just played games with me, and won

Congratulations, I hope you feel good

As you see how you've destroyed me

See the tears of sorrow, clear

While you say you never know what you do to me

And it's kind of embarrassing

Because I thought you were my everything

But you're not, and never were

You were just another immature lure

Sure, you made me smile,

With your rude jokes

But I never thought

That we were also a joke for a while

How can you say you love me

When all you do is break me down

How do you not see

That sometimes you cause my frown

I've been hurt my whole life

And now you're just adding on to the problem

When you know I have inner strife

That I'm used to being solemn

Now I don't think I could ever trust

Or love again

Because giving it your all is a must

But apparently not to you, or your "friends"

Why is it I can never be happy?

Or at least have a shoulder to cry on

Or a will to be strong

A reason for laughing?

Instead, I have to deal with the pain

And all the turmoil

I feel as if I might go insane

For everything good always spoils

God, I wish it would all end already

I wish to finally be steady

Instead of imagining perfect stories

And being thrown by winds of worries

"Aegri somnia vana" - 

A sick man's empty dreams

Sick, like a puppet being torn to seams

Dreams that say I'll find a nirvana

And I actually believe them

For that hope is all I have to live on

It's the green comforting stem

To my dying flower against the sun

Its wilted head bent low just like mine

It's blackened petals that fall

Like the Patience and Sanity in my mind

Or like the pestulant bugs that crawl

People say these are the golden years

But I just want to disappear

I'm just waiting for the last sunset

The taking of my last breath

So I can finally rest.