I grew up too fast

When I was a kid 

I wanted so badly for my happily ever after

To meet my prince or princess charming

To grow old and happy with them 

Forever and ever

But now i’ve grown up too fast

And now i’m not even waiting for

My ‘happily ever after’ 

I’m just 

…waiting

And it may seem dark and morbid to you

but I don't think my wish will ever come true

But i don’t think i’ll make it to a happily ever after

I don’t have the energy 

When I was a kid my days were filled with laughter

I was so excited about the future

Now I just wish that it would end sooner

And I wish I hadn’t grown up so fast

Cause being a kid was a blast

And being grown up…

It hurts

I’m so tired

tired of my body constantly feeling wired

I shouldn't be this kind of tired at my age

I'm tired of living

Tired of hurting

I don’t even know why I’m still here

There’s nothing left for me at this point

I feel so empty and numb

When I was a kid

I was bubbly and fun

there seemed to have been nothing I couldn't have done

People would ask me what I wanted to be when i grew up

And i’d say 

"an astronaut–a docter– a geologist- an artist-- an actor- singer- a music person"

while jumping around excitedly 

Now that question honestly makes me want to throw up

When people ask me what I want to be

I have to hold back the words hidden on my tongue 

Because to others, it's considered wrong

That I’m not even sure if

I’ll even stick around long enough to grow up

Instead 

I smile and shake my head

And say

"I’m not sure yet"

I grew up too fast

And now I've grown up

but not the way you think 

I’ve stopped trying

I stopped hoping

And I stopped believing things’ll get better

I didn't grow up physically

I was forced to grow up mentally

People say

that it's going to be okay

thinking it will comfort me

but really it just makes me mad

you see

Of course, you’d say that

Cause it’s not happening to you

saying those words 

doesn't make how i feel any less true

Different nights

Same dark thoughts 

Physically here

But mentally gone

I act like i’m okay

When it couldn’t be further from the truth

I got so good at acting that

i started to believe it myself

So where's my Oscar for acting like everything is ok?

cause I fooled my parents

my brothers

I even fooled my friends

I almost tricked myself too 

I miss being a kid

And I miss the old me

I miss not being pressured

into what people want me to be

I miss the kid I was

The one that wasn’t depressed 

The one that was actually happy

The one who didn't have to smile 

and choke back bile

I wish I could turn back time 

Back when everything was okay

Because I’ve been having a bad day

For the last three years

I pull people close

And push them away

All because of my fears

Because I'm scared to get hurt

And maybe I’m hoping that 

they’ll care enough to pull me back

I come off as a strong

But maybe I fall asleep crying

maybe I act like nothing’s wrong

But maybe 

Just maybe 

I’m really good at lying