If I don't respond in a few minutes I am probably at School, sleeping, with family/ friends, or forgot to bring my device. Or grounded.
"WHEN THE FAMILY SAYS THEY LOVE ME"
When the family says they love my money, but they do not love me, I let them.
Though the beatings on my back and the slaps across my face burn like a midsummer’s heat wave, I stay.
Because the family said they love me.
Though the chills of a thousand arctic storms flow across my face in the shed outside, I confide in them…
Because the family said they love me.
No matter the room they locked me in, no fresh air to breathe; like a butterfly trapped in a jar they refuse to let free, I STAY.
Because the family said they love me.
They said they love me…they love me…they love…my money.
They love my money.
And like the sucker fish on the edges of a fish tank, I stay because the fish may not love me, but I serve a purpose to them and they serve a purpose to me.
So, I stay…
Because I’m too afraid to leave, because if I’m set free who will be there to say they love me?
No matter the silent silhouettes of a thousand beating hands whispering sweet secret lies into my ear, I’m still here…
Like the butterfly stuck in a jar, I still flutter around glass bars. They don’t treat me right, but I stay put at night because I accept the love I think I deserve.
No matter the conditions, I don’t care if it hurts!
Does it hurt?
Because when the family says they love my money, but they do not love me, I don’t want to let them…
Because if you let the sun burn you on a heat wave it will hurt.
If you let the frost bite at your ears when you’re locked in the shed, it’s going to hurt…
If you trap a butterfly in a jar that’s unable to breathe and you refuse to let it free, do you think it’ll live long enough to tell you that it hurt?
It gets lonely sometimes
When you are your only friend
The popular girl 10 months ago
Has finally met her end
At least that's what it appeared to be
Parties drugs and alcohol
all slowly consumed me
No one really noticed how lonely she was
Until the day she fell apart and got off the bus
She ran home barging open the door
She knew she had to confess to her mom
She tried to overdose the night before
With intentions to kill
She locked herself in her own doom
When her therapist came
And said you're going to the emergency room
It gets lonely sometimes
When you're being hospitalized
When the guy you loves leaves you
And everyone tells lies
After 10 days she returned to her normal life
Which also included cutting herself with a knife
She felt lonely again
As her mom was always with her boyfriend
She knew the rules she thought she could bend
She snuck in a compaion
So she would no longer be lonely again
Her mom came home that night and kicked her out
The loneliness was back by no doubt
Her neighbor found her laying in the street
He gave her a change of clothes and a jacket
Then took her out to eat
They discussed the boy her once loved, who was now with his sister
About the cuts on her wrist, and how he wanted to kiss her
His phone started ringing, it was his mom
Get her home soon, before the cops come
The girl's mom went to the hospital from being in shock
The girl returned home with the dog, because the door was unlocked
The next morning she went to the park
Looking for someone who would take the dog
She found relief from everything through the cigarette fog
She stayed at a friends that night, hoping to return home in the morning
But what was waiting for her was more disurbing
It gets lonely sometimes
When you can't say goodbye
When you don't know its the last time you'll see your friends
When you lose all hope and want your life to end
No one really noticed how lonely she was
At her new school, she made new friends
But had a secret so cruel
The cuts got worst and her clothes had a stench
She was losing too much weight and spoke fluent french
The was this guy in town who wouldn't leave her alone
When she felt suicidal, he took her hand and walked her home
It gets lonely sometimes
When you're at the bottom of low
When a stranger shouws up and takes you to the hospital
But instead of going home
You go into treatment
They say the cutting needs to stop, and that you are too thin
That you need to pull yourself together
And stop thinking about the end
But no one knowledges how lonely it gets
When your friends stop messaging back
And everyone calls you a bitch
You become a lifeless corpes for the next several months
But reality sneaks up and kisses you for once
You have no friends and no where to go
You have no life to return to, all you are is a shadow
So maybe its best if I end this now
As soon as I get discharged
I'll head out of town
I'll get a place of my own
And maybe meet some people on the way
I'll change my name and my identiy
And just live day by day
last night i dreamed that i was doing a monalog
i was back in my first foster home, my foster mother came down stairs
she screamed;
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT,
I responded, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY MUST YOU BE SO COLD TO ME,
NEVER TOOK THE CHANCE TO EVEN KNOW ME,
YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO GET CLOST TO ME,understand me and EVEN realate to my journey.
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT.
WHY MUST I CONTINUE TO GO THROUGH THIS IS BEING A MOTHERLES CHILD IS WHAT I HAVE TO AJUST TOO,
DEAR GOD, I DON'T THINK I CAN continue on this journey, EVERYDAY i feel like you over looked me when you decided to create me
WHY MUST IT FEEL that iM paying for a crime that i did not commit
IS THIS MY DESTINY
WHY MUST THE WORLD REBUKE ME
IS thist the system i must be a custom too
where they hardly any real mommies and daddies, only judments from people who FAIL TO COMPREHEND
when will will it END. WHY MUST I BE DISTRUCTIVE IN YOUR EYES FOR YOU to hear my silent CRY
well in that CASE world, dont wait for me to burst through your doors expecting FOR ME to embrace your SO CALLED LOVE,
LIKE the the baggages in my hands, i proudly carry my PAIN FOR THE DAY WHERE there wil be RAIN.
-
Author:
Lil-M-M (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: December 3rd, 2023 19:27
- Comment from author about the poem: Once again for my foster days.
- Category: Family
- Views: 5
Offline)
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