Trauma

I've held my trauma close all my life 

I let it seep into my pores

And wrap itself around my heart and my lungs 

There it resided as a familiar weight 

Numbing my emotions 

And weighing down my spirit for years

 

I never really noticed just how heavy it had gotten 

Until I shared a bit of it with someone else

And suddenly I could breathe a bit better 

Even sharing that tiny sliver 

Lifted a weight off my chest 

That had unknowingly been holding me down

 

My system has been so used to it 

That it's been protesting the loss of its weight 

And holding on tighter to the bits that are left 

Sometimes panic overtakes me 

Because my heart has gotten the space to start beating 

And I feel like it's going to jump out of my chest

 

But now that I've started 

I want to be rid of it all 

And while I know its ichor might hold me together 

Perhpas falling apart is necessary to find me again 

Because for all of its heaviness 

My trauma has never been all that I am.