Bloody Feathers

Here we are again

With me falling for dead

Drowning in an endless sea

Of never-ending misery

Drinking more tequila and smoking weed

To numb the pain, using every temporary nepenthe

Basically fucking myself over and over

Continuing my shitty life, never completely clean or sober

My own school put me on suicide watch

For just trying to slash the pain away, slicing and cutting my broken dark body

Having to sit through hours of unhelpful therapy, taking tests by some guy named Rorschach

Taking Xannys until my head is foggy

And I wake up to rush to class for more people to make fun of me

And I take it, thinking that its all fine, putting on that pretty smile

Thinking its all worth-while

One day it'll get better

Yeah, of course it will, right?

Of course, the day its all better is the day I die

I've been writing notes and letter, to all my family members

Already prepared

Not even scared

Because, see, I've already made peace with death

I've seen him, known him, he's basically a friend

A friend who resembles a dark shadow, and only comes around when someone takes their last breath

And I remember once of a time when I was small and innocent

With big dreams to take on the world

Not knowing how cruel and benevolent

Everyone can be, every boy and girl

Who'll cuss you out just for wearing the wrong brand of shoes

Every heart breaker who'll tell you that they love you, but who knew

That the next day they'd leave

Leave you alone to hear the echoes of your cries and screams

No, I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to die

I just want to stop feeling like I break everytime I try

To just live a little

And stop being treated like some kind of critter

Some bug to be squashed and swatted away

No longer someone, but a thing to always complain

You see, once I was an innocent angel, in a Heaven called childhood

And I was expected to keep up with that child, keep being happy and innocent

But how could I, in a world so rude?

How could I?

So eventually that angel I was fell

My wings and halo dying and decaying

Falling and drowning as I cry and yell

Bloodstained and dripping, bloody hands and bloody feathers

Screaming as the pain takes over everything

Tears me apart from the inside out

The silence a loud reverberating hum that smashes into my bones, if anything

It just fills me with more darkness and doubt

As I perpetually, scrambling as I try to reach for Heaven

But its gates are locked to me, hitting another dead end

Until I touch down on the ground

The dusty, dark, mysterious ground

Where I collapse and cry, a bundle of bloody feathers, until I feel a tap on my shoulder

And look up to see old Lucifer waving for me to come over

Turns out, we got along pretty well

Both cast out from Heaven to Hell

For just wanting to be ourselves

Because that's the cost of freedom

Hell, fire, and darkness

Dancing among sharp toothed demons

No longer an outcast or something monstrous

So, you see

Her I am, bound and tethered

By social suicide and anxiety

Bloody feathers