Freedom, A Ruthless Fight

The prick of a needle

The prod of an IV

The shine of a flashlight, temporarily blinding you

The stinging in your eyes, holding back tears that were long overdue

The ear-splitting, throbbing headache crushing your skull

The metallic bitterness of blood flooding every last sense

The burden already overwhelming your senses

The nausea squeezing your empty stomach

Echoes of retching and cries for help heard in the distance

Pain spreading like cancer, growing like a poisonous tree

Despair holding onto your heart

Insecurity clinging to every last part of you

Jolting awake every two seconds

The beeping growing louder

As the need to escape gets more urgent

The want to leave this behind triggers your fight-or-flight response

And then you imagine yourself running away

Going into remission, hoping it’ll get better

The memories of better days flashing through your eyes

Glimpses of what could’ve been

But ultimately a life that ended in debt is all you see

The whirring of a CT machine is all you hear

Your wide eyes staring at the nurses who stare back questionably

Your calm demeanour almost breaking, nearly cracking

The panic simmering in your heart

Turning into a full-on boil while you wait for the news

Staring up at the white ceiling

The white curtains

The white stretchers

The white blankets

The white coats

The white lights

And the killer headache, still hammering in your head

The nausea still thundering in your wretched stomach

The regret still washing over you in periodic waves

As they perform their exorcisms, coaxing the illness out

It’s relentless, blow after blow, one after another

What will happen now?

What more is to come?

How much longer do you have to wait?

The serpent in your veins administering its venom

Is it really medicine if it kills you in the end?

And only then do you wonder;

For a split second,

How you ever thought you were invincible

How you ever thought you could fight this

How you ever thought you were stronger than this

How you ever thought life was better than this

For in the end, it isn’t about wars or love confessions

It isn’t about tragic endings or lost happily ever afters

It’s about freedom, a ruthless fight

And one you know you cannot win.