I'm fine.... right?

I'm fine, right?

I mean I go around walking on my trembling feet everyday

My emotions ashen flurries, part of a blood colored blizzard

I mean, what else should I say?

I can't just go around with tears on my face

Can't just say how numb inside I really feel, can't win a losing race

I can't go a day without my sweater to cover my scarred body

So yeah, of course I'm fine

Every time I pretend to be someone else... of course everything is alright

When I plaster a fake smile, put on that same old grinning mask

Push down my emotions to not drown, so instead I grab the flask

And down the stinging liquid down my throat, pouring it in a sippy cup

To save for later when I actually want to feel something, floating up, up, up

Only to fall back down in reality, pushing away the pain, no more pills please

No more pain and no more feelings... an unreachable dream, aches are never eased

In my sad, but "fine" life

So sure, of course I'm okay, yeah, everything's fine

While I die inside

Another therapist quitting on me, yay, when will there be something new?

Another person leaving my life, like always, damn, not even my parents could stay for a couple seconds, just a few

Without arguing on my own damn birthday

No, I'm too "rebellious", "weird", "overdramatic" 

When really its not me who's problematic

I'm just the one who takes all the blame, hides in the flickering shadows

Because at least they haven't abandoned me yet, dealing with all the pain, walking slowly to the gallows

But the rope keeps slipping from my hands, it won't tie around my neck either

So I then try to drown myself in seclusion, but that doesn't work, making me go crazier

Goddamn, if I can't end it, and I can't live with it, then what do I do?

Please, what do I do?

Be honest, because underneath my tough exterior and the grinning mask on my face

There's just pure pain and chaos, no everything's not fine, I might just turn into a basket case

Pulling my hair out and watching the fresh blood slip over my wrists with wide eyes

Just to feel something, anything, to muffle the screaming chaotic voices that make me cry

But there is no help, no solution

So I guess I'll just keep dealing with this for eternity

I'll open up and get hurt, quickly retreating back to my cold seclusion

Detaching my self from society, dying from social anxiety

My knuckles bloody as I keep digging at the Earth being poured over my body, encasing

As I gasp for breath and kick and yell, exploding like a nuclear bomb

My blood pressure rises, going numb yet again, here we go, my eyes glazing

And I blink, somehow waking up in my bed, to go on in the same cycle

So yeah, I guess I'm pretty fine

When I think of ending it all every night

I mean... there must be people who have it worse, right?

Maybe, I don't know, but I'm fine, I have to be

So no one can really see

I'm fine

Of course I am

Just don't look too far behind my mask