I dont want to die

I dont want to die.

But im at that moment.

Where im hanging by the last thread.

But in public im perfect.

And at home.

I sit on the bathroom floor.

With tears rolling down my face.

Just after cutting my thoughts away.

 

 

My search history is the same 

Anxiety, depression. 

Or am i insane?

Because my parents dont see

Im not that same little girl

After they've hurt me

 

 

I dont speak out

Becuase i dont want to be judged

So how do i get help

When i dont feel loved?

So that blood on my wrist

Is just to take me away 

From the reality i HAVE to live everyday.

 

 

Its not attention seeking.

Im not making people stare at me this way.

But something inside of me has changed

To make myself look at me this way.

I dont do it for the thrill

I dont do it to say i have

I do it to try to take my tears away.

 

 

I know i need help

But how can i get it

When i havent got what i need

To get myself through this

If i look in the mirror

The scars on my thighs stare back at me

 

 

How am i supposed to escape my reality?

If i tell people will i be believed?

Because they are MY parents

They're supposed to love me

 

 

So if i stay silent 

And lurk in the shadows

I wont be accused of lying 

I wont be told im attention seeking

If i have to hurt myself

To keep myself alive.

Then there is simply something wrong in my life

 

 

I dont want your sympathy

I dont want your tears

I want a family who love me

And someone to help me. 

 

 

Just because i hurt myself

Or loose a little steam

Doesnt mean i deserve to be neglected as a teen

So if i ask for help

Please please listen to me

Dont turn me away

Dont say no to me

 

 

Because im a child

And ive hurt me

Ive scars all over my body

Reminding me of me

 

 

So remember one thing

That blood on my wrist.

Is just to take me away.

From the reality I HAVE to live everyday