The Last Hurrah

When I’m old and knackered and all my body parts

have fallen into disrepair, need regular jump starts

If my eyes can’t see and I can’t hear what you say

don’t force feed me with remedies, just help me on my way

My poor old mum’s been poorly, in fact she had a fall

we called the ambulance and she’s gone to hospital

The ward is so depressing, nurse does what she can

but it’s not for me, in fact I’ve got a slick and better plan

I don’t see what the point is, why keep the old and sick

dosed up to the eyeballs – it just defies logic

When I decide I’ve had enough, the time is right for me

I want the right to end my life at home with dignity

If, or when, I get there, it’s possible I’ll find

I lose my nerve, melt down - in a panic change my mind

I said I never wanted a burden to become

but when it’s time to do the deed, I may well up and run

I do hear what you’re saying though, there should be laws in place

to protect the weak and vulnerable, you know, just in case

Apparently some people are mean and calculating

they might put pressure on if you start procrastinating

But it really gets my goat, it just doesn’t make much sense

when the world is overflowing but it’s a criminal offence

To top yourself, ie, reduce the population by one

if all your bits have jacked it in and you can’t have any fun

I don’t see what the difference is, I’m sure you will agree

when animals are ill we call the vet to set them free

So why should I be forced to travel all the way

to Switzerland for goodness sake to send me on my way

It’s a crazy situation, it really seems absurd

that do-gooders and Nanny State should have the final word

Principles and morals are the luxuries they voice

I’m fighting for the freedom just to have the bloody choice!

I’ve signed all the petitions, the euthanasia campaign

I go out on the rallies in the wind, the snow and rain

I don’t know why we bother though, we don’t get very far

but we can’t give in, we’ve got to fight – this is our last hurrah!

Just throw a leaving party and give me lots to eat

a hug goodbye and lots of love, my life has been complete

A dose of something lethal washed down with g and t

or maybe just a biscuit and a final cup of tea!