beginnings reunited

I wish I could fly

But I’m stuck here

Tied down in these chains

With no one here

 

I shout

Cry out

Send signals to people about

But no one hears

There is no one near

And therein lies my doubt

 

You say

“I’m here for you”

“Don’t be afraid to talk to me”

“I know what you mean”

But do you really, 

Or is it just your sympathy

Trying to make yourself

Seem

Like you know

But you don't

You won't ever know

You are not me

This experience

Is not we

It is only

Singularly

For me

 

You cannot change

What you do not know

I am in both sides of the story

I am the colonizer

Being both judgemental

And overpowering

I am the slave

Working myself

Until I am exhausted

Depleted

Drained

Trying to prove my master

Master of my mind

Master of my body

Master of my soul

That I CAN do it

But all three

Are disappointed

In me.

 

Because I prove them right.

There is nothing

I can do

To demonstrate

That I follow

The expectations you place.

I am afraid

That I will be sold

To the world

And become

Something I'm not.

 

And so every night

I cry out

Not to anyone

But to myself

Unraveling

All the faces

I can’t bear to have other people see.

Because what they know is not me

What they know

Is my fake side

The side of me who acts

Like them

Uncaring

Judgemental

And powerful.

Just like the colonizers.

Can’t I be

Something

That is not

Like that?

 

I want to be

An explorer

Carefree

But also caring

I want

To be able to show my face

And want people to trust me

Love me

For me

And NOT for those

Fake faces

I want to 

Celebrate

Authenticate

Reeducate

What was taught

 

I want 

To be looked at

And be proud

Because of

What both sides of me

Have gone through

Independance

And slavery

Hard work

Payback

 

I want to find my way back

To where it all began.