My Son Almost Died

!! He Almost Died

My back to the work door staring at the 2D screen of images and words, working on 3D problems

Making that cash

The door blasts open and my daughter throws the words out with urgent meaning

“<name removed> is puking on the phone…”

I think, why the fuck is he puking on the phone

“<name removed again> is puking on the phone!!” She parrots

I feel the urgency and worried energy and turn around

She’s on her cell phone in my door with worried and scared look and tears and a mountain of concern

“Your are taking him where?” Then she turns to me, “it’s the paramedic now..”

My stomach feels funny and a chasm of emotions and thoughts rush

Is he dead?  Drinking?  Did he eat something?  Did he overdose?

I’ve had a fleeting feeling for months now that someone close will be ended

Is this it? 

She tells me something about touching money with fentanyl on it and eating of chips

Or she tells me he touched a bag with fentanyl and ate chips..or was it money?  It was confusing

And happened in a flash all of it did

He was passed out the life savers gave him narcan and it saved him, she explains

OK, time to jump in to action and problem solve

Throwing on our clothes I grab my essentials; keys, phone, wallet and oh yea, I need clothes

And a hat

And my sunglasses.  Why the fuck am I thinking of sunglasses?

The truck fires reliably up, the phone connects and I drive

I go into a calm mode.  Almost Zen like

It was weird

If something bad has happened I need that awareness

The awareness to act and do and keep a cool head

If he dies I want the mother fuckers who left the bag or the money or whatever it was

And fucking kill someone if they fucked with my son

Driving with my daughter next to me I’m calm as ever

She’s not though; she knows the effects of fentanyl and goes to the worst outcome in her head

She cannot handle her emotions and tears run freely down her face

But I am calm as can be; I don’t have time for that right now

Tell your mother, I demand of my daughter. She does mechanically as instructed.

I notice the trees swaying and broken clouds - I love those days they are peaceful

Those days I like when the sun bears warm and my skin soaks the vitamin D

I am most happy and content on those days

Driving the speed limit (ish) I notice the cars with their muffled music and tailpipe exhaust barking

And lemmings driving and road raging bandits fuming

Mind numbing humans the lot

I call 911 on bluetooth through the speakers so everyone can hear

I'm not playing music though; my muffled soundwaves coming from the truck are a bit more urgent

911 put me through an auto attendant.  Some mechanized voice lady asking me to hold.

Wow…I wonder if they outsourced their Helpdesk

She speaks fast and is to the point and at least that is quick, I thought

And then she tells me I need another 911 office because my son was in Portland

But not until after I spent 3-4 minutes explaining my emergency

Wasted explanation

She transfers and it takes several minutes

“Good thing I’m not bleeding out,” I say to her

Finally on the phone I explained, once more, what happened and they will dispatch an officer for me

Good, that problem is solved and work effort in motion, just in case he dies

I don't know if they showed up or the 911 lady just word fucked me

This is an every hour thing for them; they are as numb as the drive to work lemming humans

Donuts and retirement are more important

I don't blame them though; there's some shitty human bags out there

We get to the emergency room; I drop off my daughter and find a spot with a car parked on the left line

Taking up part of the only spot close to the scary fate awaiting in the 911 room

They must have been in a hurry from their own emergency and I'm not upset really, but I need to park

So I pull in anyway and the truck is now half parked on a curb - good thing I have a lifted 4x4. 

It looks cool

So my calm self takes a picture...why the fuck did I do that?  Maybe I am to calm

I get to the emergency room entrance and it's like the TSA at an airport

An Xray thingymajig and a metal detector protects the 911 rooms

I empty all pockets of stuff and backpack comes off, sweater and belt

...no checking the shoes down there though

I could have brought in some C4, obviously.

It's a joke but at least they are trying and

It's not their fault

There are dumbasses out there

I make some forgettable joke that the safety guard probably

Heard a gazillion times. 

But we both still cordially smile about it

Once through we have to wait in line to see the lady behind what looks like

Bullet proof glass

A hospital / militarized zone in the heart of the City of Roses

The hospital is a thorn on the rose

We get from her, the lady behind the glass who is mechanized, with no emotions or feeling from her

Been-there-done-that eyes,

Some stick on the shirt name tags with the room number on it

She buzzed the buzzer button and the double doors open towards us

It's clearly another layer of security for safety sake and all

We finally get in and my son is in a urgent care bed that's barely wide enough for him

and the bed back has him at a 45 degree, ish, angle

The room is barely large enough for his bed and other stuff and I think

The business capitalists told the building architects to maximize space and $$

I can imagine the demand, "What's the minimum amount of space needed for this type of bed,

equipment, some cabinets, a sink, wall mounted protective gloves and just enough space for family

and nurses."

The more the beds in here, the more the revenue and margin

That's very important ya know

Gotta make that $$ damned the rest; but don't fret - it's a business decision, nothing personal

Fuck you it is personal, I thought

My Son is pasty white and barely cognizant

He needs some sun...boy does my head wander to unexpected places under duress

He's in one of those hospital gowns that opens easily for access to the body

But he's got pants on, the work pants and I think that's stupid they left those on

His vitals beep on the display like a fuzzy, out of focus movie from back in the day of projectors with focus rings on them

I put my un-the-blur glasses on (yea I remembered them too)

Coming into focus, I watch my sons heartbeat irradically

the above and below the line upright and upside down pyramids blip in a not so expected rhythm

At least to my untrained eye

I've seen movies ya know, I know what is normal, clearly

His blood pressure is low and his heart rate is exceedingly high

Like he's on one of those hamster wheels running for his life

Or for the candy at the end of the wheel

The Hamster Wheel of Life - I guess we are all running on one of those

Moving fast but stationary, chasing the goods and death

His body is going through a living hell

Just like his family

An IV bag hangs and I trace the tube to his left inner elbow to make sure

They did it right...I was a combat medic 1000 years ago and clearly I can judge how to do it right

There's some blood in the drug giving access tube that kicked back a little

My sons blood

Have you ever seen that?  It's some shit to see that

Not the good kind of shit either

A barf bag is next to him and the nurse explains that 3 puffs of Narcan saved him

That’s the common name.  The smart, intelligent, those who have the PHDs, name to make them sound smarter

Is Naloxone - try to pronounce that

In any case, it had saved his life

Fancy name or not

My writing can't express that feeling;

Of seeing your son on a death bed with fuzzy vitals and pasty skin and so skinny

My son could be dead right now and this story would be different and sadder

He was skinny before but I noticed it anew with my calm self!

The IV bag of nourishment wasn't going to help with that problem however

His dilated eyes and puking of nothing in an empty bag of no barf was there

He knows we are there and at least that is something good that day

You gotta find the positive things I guess

If he dies at least we are with him - see that's positive right?

That's some shit to think about, that is

Suddenly he starts shivering with cold awareness

Shivers change to shakes and his eyes close and roll back to his brain

Whites showing to us from a horror scene

My daughter yells loudly, "He's seizing!!"

Poor girl; I have all these thoughts and feelings dancing around

Random and out of place, but dancing nonetheless

All the while her loving brother is a water bag with IV fluid, fentanyl and narcan in it, on a bed

Fighting for life

I couldn't image loosing a brother I'm close to

I'm sad and tear up just writing that down

5 people come running after her fateful and forceful, in command, exclamation of seize

I’m proud of her for that; she took charge and commanded action and it worked!

As the life savers rush in, I step out of the mini room box thingy that only fits a few people

And feel like I'm in the hallway watching an episode of House or dookie whatever his name was

It's all in slow motion and I'm impressed that the 5 nurse and doctor people in white and other colors

Jump to well rehearsed action; they were ready for whatever

I kiss their foreheads from my soul in appreciation

I'm starting to loose my shit though and I feel tears sucking hydration from my eyes

My son's body and mind are a termoily mess and I'm loosing it

But I can't do that; I have to be the calm, strong one here

Just in case my daughter needs me after my son dies

So I use my willpower and draw the tears back into the ducts that tried to free them

The nurse calmly checks his vitals on the blurry (for me) screen

And asks him some stupid question

And my son responded with a stupid answer that was apparently enough to determine

He was not seizing

Abort, Abort I say in my head as the 4 others who jumped to action dissipate

The Narcan was wearing off, the left over nurse explains, these are withdrawals you are seeing

It is ‘normal’

And they determined that he needed another hit or so of the life saving puffing narcan mist

The fentanyl was winning and he was loosing, again

Damn the piece of shits in the world who 'invented' fentanyl and the mfers that distribute it

And the mfers that cut their drugs with it. 

Capitalists just like the hospital administrators, are they

Maybe the only difference between the hospital administrators, slash businessmen

And drug dealers are laws and regulations made up by humans to serve and control others

The hospital legally kills people with laws that make it ethical and pays taxes

That's the big difference

Praise the Narcan people though.  How many lives has it saved??

I reached out to the unknown, important ones, the behind the scenes geeks that read and read

And test and test drugs until the right combination works for the saving of lives

And I kiss their foreheads and thank them from my soul too

I hope they felt how grateful I was/am for that discovery of puffy, misty drugs

That flood into the nose and coats the lungs and fights fentanyl head on

The narcan was administered finally and the shivering shakes go away and my son is

Back to his pasty white, skinny, dilated eyes self

And the vitals go back to being more normal, but not normal compared to what normal should be

Just the normal before the shakes and shivers

My wife, his mother, show's up with rushed worry and concern and tears

But because the room is small, one of us have to leave

Only space for 2 people and the hospital owners got to buy a new house with the space saved

She was holding it together better than our daughter but worse then me

She goes into loving mommy mode and holds back her emotions

And coos and coddles my son and her presence brings calming love to the room

The rest of the day and week was a blur of swapping out of the room for me, the wife, and the daughter and the girlfriend

Everything else put on hold.  Work, life, problems, feelings, other emotions and people

My Son moved eventually from Urgent Care but the scare is not done with us

His heart rate doesn't stabilize and now they detected some high white blood cell count

Probably a blood born infection they say

Dr. Google scares the shit out of me when I read about that and the drama is not over

We wait a couple days and find the bacteria wasn't

And he finally got the heart shock appointment and procedure

Affib is a bitch for a 24 year old

After some time

We got to leave the posh hospital of profit, and dredges, and life savers, and sad people that

Didn't get to go home with their loved ones

I am thankful for that - see you gotta find the positive in things, right?

We all are home now

None of us have really talked about it

Decommissioned or decompressed or expressed emotions

Or cried and let it all out

I guess me writing this is my way of dealing with it

 

 

 

-- Interlude here..or 7th inning stretch - you decide...actually this is a flashback to day 1 --

 

I see a bag of my son's clothes in the little room that maximizes profits for someone

The nurse tells us to put on gloves; there might be fentanyl on stuff

His shirt is wet..why is it wet?

His phone is there and some other stuff

My awareness has not left and I'm focused on a goal

Get to the bottom of exactly what happened

As I jump in the truck headed for my son's work

I hope and don't hope the dredges of society with the white baggy or cash money are there

I'm not sure what I'll do if I see them but my calmness starts to leave as I'm driving

I'll kill them, or die trying, I think and my rage builds and builds

My heart clenches and beats loudly and stomach knots up as I pull into the hotel parking area

Two dudes are at the double entry, locked doors with all their bags and stuff sitting there

Is that them?  They look formidable and if I have to take them on it won't be easy

But I didn't care as the inner beast and years of holding feelings back starts to awaken

They are laughing like there's nothing dark and sinister going on in my head

Ignorance is bliss and stuff

I play it through my head: here is how it's going to happen

I'll ask them about it and if they say yes, the big one has some bags behind him

I'll push/punch him as hard as I can in the throat and he'll fall back over the bags

Gurgling from the throat punch

That'll give me some time to jump in the air and come down with a mighty kick to the other

guys knee - cracking is heard as his knee folds un-naturally backwards with knee cap facing to the left

Making him fall and go the opposite of mobile and opposite of a threat

Then I can go back after the fallen over the bags guy and deal with him if needed

Instead of that

I step over a bag that's in front of the door thinking how fucking rude they are

Just leaving stuff there and then I realize as I tug the double entry doors that are locked

"There's a sliding window on the side," one of the helpful dredges chirp

I go over there and state who I am through the window

My son's coworker jumps to attention and bids me to the front double doors

He apologies many many times for and shows concern for my son

He apologized too much, like he feels guilty.  I go into tin foil hat mode

Is the fentanyl on the fingers from cash or a baggy eating chips story, just that?

He and a coworker explain what they know about the bag and the chips

I put on my Shirlock Holmes ability and notice there's a camera or two

I ask for footage so we can get to the bottom of it..

The owner only has access, we don't...

The coworker tells me how my son is alive now..apparently thanks to the guys from room 301

One of them came to the slidey window of safety to ask my son something

They saw him limped over, head bowing for eternity in the chair

Somehow they were able to breach the safety of the window and pull him close

Close enough to get the keys on a lanyard around his neck, open the double locked safety doors

And try to wake the son

When that didn't work they poured water on him (that explains the wet shirt...) - mystery #1 solved

When he didn’t wake they called 911 and because the hotel was a hell pit of humans, they were near

And used to the fentanyl outbreak

I gathered some of his stuff and headed back to the hospital

Waiting for the owners call to explain the video evidence