Label me lonely

It is healthy, they tell you

Chin up,

Smile bright,

Laugh loud.

Well maybe I don't want to do those things. 

Maybe my head stays down,

My mouth a frown,

My voice drowns.

They call me unapproachable,

Label me lonely,

Only,

Uncomely.

I am the thing they fear becoming,

The person they strangle and bury.

Well maybe I fear them.

The way they open to the world,

The way they smile like the earth isn't burning.

The sing-songing joy that escapes their mouth and lands in a pile of ashes.

How can I follow that?

How, when I see threats in every room,

Flames poised to consume,

The impending stone tomb,

Can I close my eyes to the shadows and open them to light,

Bright,

Alright, 

Ignite.

Every smile feels wrong,

Like an untuned key in a melody only I can see.

A frown feels true, 

Blue, 

Undue.

But I can't.

I can't see like them,

So I don't want to be with them.

I want to stay in my place,

Where darkness is welcome and thoughts don't have to hide. 

This is me,

The things I see,

No merci,

Little glee.

It's unhealthy, they tell you.