God, why? Just why?

Dear God,

I was doing everything right.

Reading your word,

Praying every day and every night,

Attending church on the Sabbath.

I believed in you,

You helped me.

So why must you torture me so now?

You tested me,

You left me.

So I gave up on you.

Because it seems you gave up on me.

So now what?

I try to connect with you again,

because I miss you.

But I can't feel you here no more.

I don't like being tested I don't like trails.

I was a good person but you someone's agency...

Take that good person away.

You put your value of agency over a good person.

I don't understand.  You could have protected me.

So not only can I not forgive myself, God, but maybe you too.