Spiraling In Silence

slowly repeating the cycles of depression

my mind keeping my feelings locked up

 

this is prison

 

I’m not making bail 

or getting out on parole 

 

I never got offered a plea deal 

 

instead, I got bipolar disorder 

and hallucinations I cannot control

 

I get pills instead of meals

and a blanket of uncontrollable anger 

with a pillow of sadness to pair

 

if I’m lucky, a shower of happiness will turn on for an hour

 just in time for me to do my hair. 

 

my prison isn’t fun. 

I think the only way out of my sentence is the death penalty for my suicidal thoughts to become actions. 

 

but then again there is no end. 

my sentence is this silent spiral. 

to suffer and pretend to be alright. 

 

I’m a 17-year-old girl who hides her true identity from this site, 

but why? 

in fear of being recognized? 

in fear of being ostracized?

 

in fear of the spiral becoming real 

and then I’d have to face the fears I hide from in real life? 

 

Yeah, right….

 

I’m not fine.