Passionless.

 I’m trying to protect my peace, I’m working hard to protect me,

but the thrill of nearly dying can never pale in comparison to the passionless everyday routine.

I feel like I actually realize what receiving love back can look like, I feel like I’m living and not just breathing,

but back then I used to be alive.

I didn’t exactly thrive but with each laugh and cry, I felt happy, as messed up as it was.

And now I’m just passionless and unfeeling, unwanted and unbelieving,

even though I know it’s for the best.

It aches, it’s contorted, it’s all purple and bruised but I know I’ll be okay,

but ‘okay’ is not soon.

Maybe I just need a reminder that while my social life and my love life may stay passionless

and in the gutter for a while,

but I can’t continue with the jumping over walls or waiting for the beckoning of his call

and stand there nervously as I stall my way out of the fact t

hat I know that I still love him and he’ll never love me and for once,

I’m okay with that.

I’ll be okay with this passionless little ruin of a castle

because the beast is gone.