A Lost Dream

It felt like a dream

When we first began to speak

It was like finding a dream

My dream

As the minutes turned to hours

The hours turned to days

And days turned to weeks

About three weeks

You were so sweet

Saying I'm sorry

I have been chasing a different fantasy

I still want to

Be a part of your dream

Instantly I lock down

My heart losing yet another shard

I realize again

Too late

Why you hold your cards to your chest

Why you do not allow people to see

Feel

Know all of you

Until you are certain

They are going to stay there for you

"This is what happens"

I hear their words over and over

I understand that

But it doesn't bring back the time

The hope

The butterflies

Or

The time

With every failure

I trust less and less

Of love

That it's actually real

Is it?

Those that have it say it is

What about us who do not?

How do we find it?

I try to be my authentic self

But all I do

Is scare away

Anybody who might

Come my way

Perhaps I should put her on a shelf

Lock her up

Somewhere she can not get hurt

Keep her away

Until I will know she is safe

Because this world

Is dark and brutal

My shining, optimistic eyes

Are slowly losing their shine

They say it is harder to be kind

Well of course

This world wars us down till there's nothing left

Of who we were

I used to always find the bright side

The good things

I am beginning to become blind

For I cannot see that beautiful glow

Of love that I believed I would find

Maybe it's true

I will end up drifting through this world

Nothing but a stepping stone

For others

A shiny pebble that catches your eye for a moment but then you no longer care for

The hope I carry like a precious treausure

Is beginning to seem dull and unreal

As of now I am lost

I lost what I hoped for

Don't know how to get it back

How do I get her back?

With every setback

I harden more and more

I just wanna be myself

But maybe for others

Myself is not who I should be anymore

I will become who I feared to be

Hardened

Angry

Defensive

Put on a show

Until I find somebody who could maybe know

Who I really am

Love her for who she is

Without wanting what the world does

I had a dream

Now it's gone

I hope your happy with your new fantasy

But just so you know

I lied when I said we could be just

'friends'