I waana scream my heart out

How do I make you see  
That I am toxic, broken within?  
Even after thinking ten times, it's okay  
But then the doubts creep back in.  

What if I'm right?  
Why is there even a doubt?  
Why do people create such situations,  
Making me question, turning my world about?  

I know I like red flags,  
But why don't they turn green  
When I give my all, my 110 percent?  
Why can't you let my worries fade, serene?  

Why must I always be the bigger person,  
Shouldering the weight, seeing my own mess?  
Can't you try to see how fucked up I am,  
Watching you from a distance, feeling less?  

Trying to trust, yet breaking every day,  
It's not your fault, I'm used to broken souls.  
I still get attached, only to have my heart  
Shattered, left in scattered wholes.  

I write it down, to convey my heart,  
Trying to explain is the hardest part.  
I need you to talk, to hug, to say it's okay,  
Is it too much to ask, to feel that way?  

I don't want a commitment, it's a huge word for us,  
But at least an assurance, a trust we could discuss.  
I was normal at the start, then you pulled me close,  
Now you make me feel detached, a distance that grows.  

There is a problem, I'll start to feel this strain,  
At some point, I'll fuck up everything, bring pain.  
And you won't recover, it'll ruin what we made,  
Turning love into ruin, where memories fade.