contemplation of a broken heart

the ache in my chest
reminds me to breathe
to acknowledge the pain 
and relish in the hurt

2 am is when i over dramatize 
and romanticize my tears
listening to lyrics that stab my heart
truly in pain but amused all the while

in retrospect my breakdowns mean I've lived
I've dared to open my heart
and break another's 
i am alive and living and experiencing 

have i mentioned my over romantization?
I'm so glad i can finally connect with taylor
I'm thrilled to be a teen
the pain feels good

perhaps i really didnt care
which is why I'm contemplating so hard
the self reflection and the tears
make it all worthwhile 

the aesthetic of the broken heart 
is so fun to try on
and all this while
i still have to remind myself to breathe

this isn't particularly how i wanted the year to go
i do truly wish i didnt have this ache
but the experience exists
and shall remain under my belt

and there are moments i just want to run back to you
feel the high when you smile at me
crossing my fingers hopefully 
those become fewer and lesser and nonexistent 

it might hurt to see you dance with someone else
but I'd rather that than dance with you 
and i wish on a star
that it hurts you too