Lost Journey

I am studying to be a nurse

To care for others

But how am I supposed to do so?

When I do not care for myself?

As time went by, I realised:

Perhaps we are our own harshest critiques

With the voices in our head

And wheels overworking in our minds

Somehow it is an amazing feat we can find a dark spot among all the light

When going for internships, every instructor always asked,

"Why do you want to be a nurse?"

"What drove you to join nursing?"

I can't help but feel annoyed

There are a myriad of responses:

"To learn useful skills to care for my parents when they are older."

"This was a mid-life career switch."

"It's an iron rice bowl."

"I stayed in a hospital before and the nurses were nice to me."

So I've learnt to lie my way through such questions

I feel like I am floating on a piece of wood in the stormy sea

The skies are cloudy and no islands or boats are around me

I am hanging on, but barely

I feel alone

Because am I the only one struggling to find a grounding purpose in life?

Some go to the Pacific Ocean on their well-equipped yacht

Some float to the Indiana Ocean with their friends and a promise

Some discover the Indian Ocean eagerly

Some stayed in the Arctic Ocean with their families

But I have no fire to light my way

So, in the dark,

I continue wasting away

And I thought to myself:

Going with the flow is all I can do for now despite all my doubts

At least I am floating. Albeit barely.