not my fault

for the longest time you tricked me into thinking it was my fault

whether it was truly you or my child brain I do not know for sure

I accepted it and thought it was my fault because I didn't stop it

but I truly couldn't have because my response was to freeze

that allowed you to continue as I physically couldn't stop it

they say my brain showed up for me, but it really didn't help

I pray and wish that I would have been able to run or fight

but that isn't how my mind worked, I fear you knew that

I fear you knew I was a quiet and timid child oh I fear

 if you knew that then it was more than just deliberate

not only was it monstrous and vile but devil-like

and now I know its not my fault I did what I did

the way my body responded I couldn't control

and that was not my fault.