his

you don’t love me anymore

I could tell from your eyes

that something had changed

you didn’t have to say anything

you still takes me on drives at night

with one hand on the wheel

looking longingly out the window

blasting the music loud enough

to shatter the air around us

because you know

I don’t like to talk much

you still hang around the park

after dark

when everyone has gone home

and the porch lights are off

you sit curled up in the tube slide

back arched like a cat

while I sit by the captain’s wheel

at the top of the playground

on the stern of the ship

you’ve changed since we met

I’ve changed since we met

four years ago

in eighth grade math class

I can’t tell if we missed our time

or if it just hasn’t come yet

all I know is that you’re different

and I trust you more than any man

I’ve ever known

your hair was long when we met

then short

then buzzed

now short again

my hair was short when we met

shorter than yours

it’s grown so much

we were the same, quiet and strange

I think we’re both

still quiet and strange

just less quiet together

you look so handsome when you drive

speeding down the backroads

in your old Subaru

the one that’s been through

all your cousins

and faced the damage

of restless Catholic teenagers

you do doughnuts in parking lots

it’s the only thing you do

that pisses me off

but I know you only do it

because you know it also makes me laugh

you look so handsome

in the dark

face illuminated by a neon moon

looking up at the stars

laying on a picnic blanket

somewhere away from this town

a twenty minute drive up a gravel road

where the light pollution can’t reach us

you look so handsome

when you’re quiet

and the only thing that speaks

is your eyes

it was the first thing I noticed about you

your eyes

slightly downturned

with the eyelashes of a girl

they always look far away

like they carry some sort of sadness

they only care deeply

or not at all

they know nothing in between

always sickeningly nonchalant

I know you aren’t perfect

alcohol embraces you like a warm hug

and you work far too hard

holding your future firmly in your palm

you never take a second to breathe

to stop and enjoy where you are now

you’re always a few seconds

ahead of the clock

but I still love you

and I’ll wait