knife

how many times

did I fall asleep with a knife

because I was sitting awake

ready to slit my wrist?

how many days

did I wake up panicked

that I slept with a knife

and could have got hurt?

how many cuts

do my sheets and covers have

from accidentally letting it go?

was it my nemesis 

the fact that I could attempt a lot

but not the knife?

is it twisted

for thinking I was safe

by having an escape?

knowing I could just

slash my wrist

and end it all?

studying the number of liters

of blood I'd need to lose

and thinking about cleaning it up?

the knife seemed a savior

a weapon to hurt

but an escape

sharp and powerful

causer and reliever of pain

I seek my revenge

plotting the downfall of them

ruining their reputation they say

warning other girls

only making it accurate

Now I cut to ruin a life

But not mine