Yukiko Snow Child
blinding white sheets glow
where cool cherry blossoms smiled
hunger suckled away
-
Author:
Neville (
Offline) - Published: November 18th, 2024 04:12
- Comment from author about the poem: still not quite a Haiku .. 🤍🐧
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 39
- Users favorite of this poem: sorenbarrett, Tristan Robert Lange, Cassie58
Offline)
Comments8
Neville the artistry of leaving this almost haiku. One syllable short is a brilliant step in adaptation. The most beautiful image of perfection blemished by one small item just as it is in nature.
I am thrilled you got it .. many thank you's .. Neville
I can’t help thinking about this one and I have come back to it thinking that in all justice, it should be given a favorite. It has provoked that much thought.
I have found that even in Nihongo there are awesome haiku that don’t quite follow the syllabic 5-7-5 pattern, having left room for asymmetric beauty alongside typical symmetry.
its all too much isn't it .. there are those who say rules are meant to be broken .. but I'm not so sure .. what do you reckon about Nintendo ..
They’re not intended to do…
A fine write N, not to be sneezed at - Ha-choo! Not that corny joke again from me. lol.
Absolutely snot but Faikhu regardless ..
Wonderful “almost” Haiku. An intentional decision no doubt. Brilliant. Instantly a fave!
I must confess, it was .. but it proved easier that way .. I was tempted to tweak but thought nah not today .. Cheers .. Neville
Glad you didn't! Cheers!
Who’s counting. Not me. I looked up Yukiko to find it is a feminine Japanese name. It also mentioned Happiness. I had two distinctly different images here Neville arising out of blinding white sheets. I saw snow, but I also saw something completely different which made me smile. Beautiful.
Thanks a bundle our Cassie .. seriously appreciated .. I think the literal translation is between snow child and happy child .. you will have to share what you saw with me later some time .. perhaps .. 🐧💜👍
Not sure if I need to learn how to count or sign up for elocution lessons...
You must not feel obliged to do anything at all .. except stay as you already are ..
Well that's very kind and reassuring, Neville.... however....
Not quite but still good Neville.
Andy
Quite .. cheers
Nicely done, Neville. A fine write.
Ta Tom ..
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.