January 20

It's crazy to think

That on that Tuesday,

I didn't want to even

say goodbye.

On that Tuesday,

I sat there thinking,

Wondering if I'll ever see

Any of them again.

I sat on my bed and

I couldn't breathe,

The yelling so loud,

I was begging "please".

And then I did it, I

Swallowed them up,

Three at a time, and hoped that

Tomorrow I wouldn't wake up.

I was angry and sad,

And I felt so bad,

So instead of tomorrow,

I'll do it today.

And then a week later,

They all found out;

They wanted me to talk,

But I wanted to shout.

But even then I didn't cry,

Not until August,

And the more I lied,

The more I died inside.

So they sent me away

For 83 days, and hoped

Maybe I could come back,

Not so astray.

And for awhile after I was,

With a healthy brain,

My problems gone away,

I didn't feel that empty buzz.

But now it's later,

And there's no more support,

I'm feeling bad again,

So much hurt.

I've shed my blood

Sweat and tears for this,

But now I'm afraid;

Where's my sweet bliss?

It was supposed to be

Better, but look at this,

I'm back where I was

When did this slope become so slippery?

It's back where it was,

The second-to-last Tuesday in May,

January 20, that date

Won't sway.

But I don't want to die,

Do I?

But I keep hurting like this,

My hands clench to fists.

I don't want to die,

But like this

I don't think I can

Survive.

I'm trying to find the words

To fight the hurt,

I'm trying to get my shit together,

To beat the bad weather.

But I don't think I can do this,

Don't think I can 

I don't think I can

I don't think Ican

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I've been speaking too many lies