This poem is the debut of a new poetic form, “Revelatory Cascade”.
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Crackling embers pop in bursts of charred pine
On the hearth this heavenly Christmas night.
My heart, though filled with such joy, is heavy.
Sparkling embers crack in flares of charred pine.
And, though a divine time, I find I cry.
I am not even, honestly, sure why
My heart, though filled with warm joy, is weighty
As popping embers rise in wafts of pine
And my family sips wine, opens gifts.
This time, though divine, causes me to cry.
Truthfully, I am not sure as to why.
As crackling sounds rise with scents of fir pine
This heart of mine is feeling so heavy
Yet my family sips wine, opens gifts.
How could it have ever come down to this?
In this divine though mournful time, I cry
And I am so at a loss as to why.
Crackling embers popping beneath charred pine
As my heart, though joyful, is damn heavy
And my fam’ly, without me, opens gifts
Because, I realize, they can’t see me.
So confused how it ever came to this—
In this lonesome time I’m left here to cry;
I’m no longer at a loss as to why.
My heart, bled dry of its joy, is weighty
Away from the embers scented with pine,
The family, sipping wine, opens gifts.
It will never go back to how it was,
Because, I now know, they cannot see me,
In this hellish time I’m left here to cry
And I am not at a loss as to why;
My cold, transparent heart is so heavy.
The living family sips wine, opens gifts
Near crackling embers wafting with charred pine
On the hearth this horrible Christmas night.
© 2024 Tristan Robert Lange. All rights reserved.
POET’S NOTE: Meter: Pentameter. Form: Revelatory Cascade. This form, to my knowledge, is newly created for this poem. It consists of 35 lines and incorporates a cascading or expanding stanza structure with an intricate line repetition pattern. The form is structured to produce a gradual reveal of the central theme or point as its stanzas grow in line length, creating a cascading effect. It is from this that the form takes its name. While this poem is written in pentameter, there is no metrical requirement for this form. Here are the form’s specific rules:
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Revelatory Cascade
created on Wednesday, December 25, 2024 by Tristan Robert Lange
A 35-line poetic form
Structure:
• 7 stanzas with expanding line counts: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 lines
• A total of 35 lines
Repetition: Pattern
• There are 8 repeating lines (L1 through L8) that form the core structure of the poem.
• L9 is unique and appears only once in the final stanza.
• The repetition follows this specific pattern throughout the expanding stanzas:
Stanza 1 (2 lines): L1, L2
Stanza 2 (3 lines): L3, L1, L4
Stanza 3 (4 lines): L5, L3, L1, L6
Stanza 4 (5 lines): L4, L5, L1, L3, L6
Stanza 5 (6 lines): L7, L4, L5, L1, L3, L6
Stanza 6 (7 lines): L8, L7, L4, L5, L3, L6, L1
Stanza 7 (8 lines): L9, L8, L4, L5, L3, L6, L1, L2
Key elements:
• L1 appears in every stanza.
• L2 only appears in the first and last stanzas.
• L7 is introduced in Stanza 5 as the Revelatory Spark or turning point and is not repeated in the concluding stanza.
• L9 is unique to the final stanza and does not repeat.
• Each repetition should be modified slightly to show progression or change.
This structure is essential to the Revelatory Cascade form, creating a complex interweaving of repeated lines that supports the gradual revelation central to the form.
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Author:
Tristan Robert Lange (
Offline) - Published: December 26th, 2024 09:54
- Category: Special occasion
- Views: 19
- Users favorite of this poem: TobaniNataiella, Cheeky Missy, arqios, Cassie58
Offline)
Comments8
This could well be a song although sad and mournful it calls out with loss and yet memories of family and warmth. Beautiful in its darkness
Thank you so much, Soren, for reading and for your beautiful analysis. Indeed, it could be. Thank you for noticing the lyrical quality and for seeing the beauty its dark melancholy. Wishing you well my dear friend. 🙏❤️
I of course include all this in my poetic compositions and me pentameter thingys! 😁 A lot of crackling, etc, going on here.
It's more complicated than my 'formats' 8.8.8.8. Or could be, e.g. 47.35.82.26. syllables per line - summat like that anyway!
I used to say 'metre' but that's more technical with some stressed syllables, which I get too stressed working them out. Doh! lol.
Orchi, I think you could turn this comment into its own poetic form! LOL! 😂 All jokes aside, thank you so much for reading and engaging with it. Your comment brought me a huge smile, a bellowing laugh, and, well, we'll leave it there! 🤣 Thank you again, my friend! ❤️🙏
A contrast of emotions searching for an answer, then coming to an understanding, really enjoyed the read. Thank you for explanation, more confused now!!!.
🤣 Thank you so much, Tobani. Your time, effort, and analysis is very much appreciated, as are you, my friend. I am glad the form and the poem delivered! ❤️🙏
You are very welcome
I see all the talents of a truly great songwriter, when something has flames our heart yet fizzled out can make us feel grief, but one can find that true passion once more here I feel a longing to be able to share ones true talent and this is about writing music. 🌹
Dearest Teddy, your comment moves me deeply. I’m fascinated by how you’ve connected the themes in the poem to the creative process of songwriting. I am not sure if you are referring to me as the songwriter or if you are seeing that quality in the poem or even the narrator; regardless, I am humbled by your response, and I deeply thank you for this thoughtful and inspiring analysis. I truly value you, your opinion, and our friendship. Grazie mille, cara amica! ❤️🌹🎶
👏 non c'è di che caro amico 🌹
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A beautiful lyrical write. So emotionally heartbreaking, but so clever in its composition. How do you do it Tristan? You are a master of words. Wishing you all the very best.
Thank you so much my friend! I really am so grateful for your time, feedback and your gracious wordsI I am humbled. 🙏
SPOILER ALERT (for those who have not read the poem…please do yourself the favor and read the poem first.🙏🤗)
Now, back to you, dear Cassie, I am so glad that the lyricality came out in this. I was hoping that would be the case as I structured it. Of course, I opted to use internal rhyme and what not, which adds to that, but who knows what other poets would come up with should they give this a try. 🤷♂️ And, please, by no means take that comment to be a subtle invite to you. If you ever felt so inclined, I’d be honored…but no pressure. 🤣 Just conveying (piss poor albeit 😆) that it will be interesting to see how the form works in someone else’s hands and heart, should anyone find themselves so inclined! 🙃
As for how…well, not sure 🤣 other than to say I get inspiration and then that inspiration grows as I start to think about ways I can make that initial kernel beautiful (whether haunting, ugly or otherwise). Last night, as we all sat around my wife’s family’s living room, I felt an immense sadness, though I felt great joy. I can’t remember exactly what triggered the sadness, but I remember feeling as if I wasn’t there…wasn’t being seen. Then the sadness. It was then, in that moment, that I knew I had a poem.
I sat down and started out thinking I would write it in free verse; however, I almost immediately knew that was not the feel it was demanding to have. So, I went to a go to form for me…a villanelle. But I could not possibly pull the feel I had (that innate understanding of how something should sound or emote feelings within, or how it should ring…not sure if I am helping my cause here 🤣😅). I could, so I thought, tell the story with a Sestina, which is a form I have learned and used more recently; however, I wanted to try something different. That, my dear friend, is when the dangerous thinking started to take place…that “what if” thinking, you know?
I asked myself, “What if I attempted to write it in its own form”. I knew I had a ghost story. The situation that sparked those feelings drifted off to nothingness and the whole evening was a really great time. But the ghost story remained and, while still there, I sat and listened to Christmas tunes and came up with the idea of creating a cascading effect and using line repetition in a similar (albeit more intricate and varied) way. That is when I started to write and play with the repetition…where it should go, which lines should repeat, how many times, etc. That’s the long and short of it. LOL!
O! and the tweaking of course. But this poem was written in 5 hours, excluding an hour and a half drive in between some extra writing, as well as drafting up, tweaking and finessing the new form's rules. The two were worked out simultaneously as I wrote. Anyhow, that was my process and, I certainly hope I didn’t bore you with all of this. As I am sure you can tell, I am excited (perhaps too excited) to talk/type about it. All of this to say (and maybe I will add this up at the top too 🤣…there, done!) I really am so grateful for your time, feedback and your gracious wordsI I am truly, truly humbled. 🙏 Your support and kindness mean so much to me…more than I can clearly and succinctly express! 🙏❤️ I pray you and your family had a blessed Christmas, friend. Wishing you the very best too!
Well I did ask Tristan and you have explained in glorious detail. My review looking rather pathetic in comparison to the significant effort you put in to the composition and complex structure of this poem. Have no fear, I will not be following in your esteemed footsteps. I haven’t the knowledge or the concentration to attempt structured verse at this level. I will leave that to the expert.😀 . You certainly have a passion for your art. Seriously though I am mightily impressed with the unique structure of this poem and the inspiration for it. We did have a lovely Christmas thank you and hope you enjoy the rest of the holidays. 😘🌹
Hahaha! Yeah, that was a book of a reply. 😂🤣 Thank you so much Cassie! You too! 🙏❤️
Why are you absent from the merriment and festivities, dear, beloved poet? Imagery so exquisite I nearly swoon, indulging vicariously until I nearly hug myself, and very beautifully rendered with a heartbreaking poignancy whose import begs intrigue come capering, thank you for sharing.
Ah, dear friend! I promise you I did very much (well mostly) join in the merriment and festivities, personally; though, if you read my response to Cassie (do not want to retype all of that for everyone's sake 🤣) you will see the inspiration for this particular burst of melancholy. That aside, I am so ecstatic that this poem delivered to point of near self-hugging! Seriously, I am truly humbled by your feedback and am truly glad that them poem delivered. Much appreciated dear poet and friend! 🙏🌹
You're very welcome!
Oh, awesome to get into: cascading revelations! Quite a technical triumph here married to substance and significance of content! Liked and Faved! 👍🏻👍🏻
Oh, thank you my dear, dear friend. I really appreciate the accolades and support. I was both excited (at the prospect) and nervous (at the probable failure) when writing this. I am super glad, thankful, blessed, praising God that this delivered. I am humbled 🙏❤️
I am also well pleased! And excited by this form and delivery 👍🏻
Yay! That makes me so happy To hear! Thank you! 🙏❤️
You are most welcome T 🙂
A very touching and
poignant poem 😢
articulately penned!! 🌟
Love the repeated lines!😍
A captivating form
you have created,
much enjoyed my friend!👍
Best regards ✌️😁 Thad
Thank you so much, Thad! Being a form guy yourself, I was looking forward to your feedback! So glad to know that you felt it delivered both in its repetitive structure and its content! Thank you so much, my friend! 🙏❤️
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