Mr Piecrust has a visitor.

Who is that person at the letter box, checking my address,
He is quite tall wearing a black suit and dark glasses,
I’m sure I needn’t worry. It’s probably some mistake.
Why is he here. I haven’t done anything wrong.

I am Julian Piecrust. I have lived here all my life.
I am my Mother’s favourite son, well second favourite,
I have never done anything against the law, ever.
Oh God he’s coming down the path.
If I just stay quiet he’ll go away.
No one ever comes visiting.

Oh no my heart is racing.
Maybe if I hide under the kitchen table,
Like a Bridegroom at a shotgun wedding’
My heart will slow down.
If he knocks on the door I will kill myself.
I’ll swallow this bottle of turpentine.
Ok there’s the knock on the door.
Here goes nothing.
I’m having trouble breathing.
I’m sweating. Oh no I’m done.

“Hullo Mr Piecrust are you home,
It’s Lotto.You have won a share of a million dollars.”