The thought of you

I think you are worth waiting,

For surely the thought of you makes me feel warm. 
& 

usually that’s because of my anxiety. 
But this feeling has a less nauseating form because I think of you when I’m hurt. 

When I’m hopeless

When I’m scared 

The thought of you makes me feel like I’m more prepared. 

to become someone better. 

To try something new. 

I think you are worth waiting for and I’ve been waiting a long time for you. 

But not waiting by the door or waiting to see who I meet. I mean waiting in the sense that for you… there’s always been a seat 

just in case you stop by today. 

There’s extra coffee on the shelf, 

Waiting in the sense that I don’t go out in fear, scared that I’ll miss you 

if you come into my life while I’m not here 

you might.

I’ve accepted that I won’t be perfect or entirely healed. 

I’ll be scared to leave

The versions of me I use to shield. 

they have protected me. 

Prevented me from fully letting go. 

But I think you are worth growing for. 

To be someone I get to know,

I think you are worth waiting for.

in sense that every now and then I get to look back …

I stopped in my tracks 

I analyze what I lack because I’m missing something I think, 

the heart that was once on my sleeve must have fallen down somewhere in your presence. 

I believe that you caught it or found it,

that you held it close and protected it even if unsure with what to do with it. 

I wait for you like I wait for the words I need to make this rhyme. 

I’m looking forward most of the time with a hand that reaches back like a relay runner waiting to sprint on their life’s track. 

but… I don’t want to run anymore. 

So I wait for you like winter waits for spring. 

Like the flowers wait to open up until they hear a bird sing. 

I wait for you hopefully not knowing where you are.

because I truly think you are worth waiting for. 

Even if the right time never made us wait — 

but the second that you saw me your eyes still whispered …

”I’m sorry — that I was late”