Gaga

Christmas just isn’t the same anymore without your easy smile.

I remember being very small, and bounding around your house, my giggles echoing as I steal magnets from your fridge, bringing them to you for “inspection.”

Nan would go mad.

I remember being maybe 7, when the bullying started.

I came around to Nans, upset.

You just hugged me and we sat there for hours.

I remember Christmas when I was 13, our last Christmas with you, though none of us had a clue. 

We laughed all day, making stupid jokes and when we left, you said “Happy Easter!”

I remember being 14 and finding out you were gone. 

We all knew you were unwell but you never should have died.

I was in school, in a lecture.

When it was over we all walked out of the hall.

I saw my mam.

I knew without her saying,

That you were gone,

It was as if time stopped.

I remember being 14, at your funeral, crying harder than I ever had before.

Then I had to read something and for these few minutes, my tears vanished.

Now I’m 15, 16 in a few months.

I miss you more than anything.

Every milestone, I think of you and what you missed.

My first boyfriend, which came 3 months after you left, 

But I don’t think you would have liked him very much.

Or me sitting my Junior Cert which happened 6 months after you left, I know you would have helped me.

Or when I found out I got the best results, which happened 10 months after you left, I hope you would have been proud of me.

Or my first time abroad, 18 months after you left. I know you would have wanted to hear everything.

Every milestone, marked by how long ago you had to leave us.

I love you Gaga and I’ll forever miss our laughs.