LETTERS: 1

I don’t know how to start this. It has come to me that I should start being serious with what I want and this is a major thing.

I don’t know which kind of format I should write in

Should it be first person? Should it be so personal? Well I think if I want to get you to see it and feel my message I should be personal

I am not hiding anymore, because I think I have been hiding.

Have you tried looking for me too? Is that why I feel the need to reach out?

I won’t hide myself anymore, because I want you to see me and find me too just like I want to find you.

Sure, I am questioning if I should put this out there as the first letter to you.

I will probably chicken out and let it stay here in my notes, then maybe one day show you personally

Or, I will be brave and post it anyway. Screw judgement and shame right?

It’s a first step for me. It’s wobbly, sensitive to a lot and I wish I didn’t have to go through it

But deciding that this is what I desire and then go for it, is what is making me write this now

See, I am determined now. I know, I always say stuff and then halfway through I give up or lose interest in it

But this is something that is beyond physical for me

You, you are beyond physical for me

That’s why I am taking this step despite feeling this way

I am battling the demons for you and for me

I just wanted you to know that I think of you, still miss you

And a hello shaped like a very thin, fragile vine, budding out blindly

It’s okay, i will be alright

This is for us

I miss you

And hi again.