I live You.

i live you.
not love you-though of course,
that, too.
but more than anything:
i live you.

i wake up into you.
into the quiet fact of your name in my chest
like a heartbeat I said yes to
over and over.

 this is not the easy kind of love.
this is
the morning kind.
the eggshell daylight kind.
the do-the-dishes, pay-attention, stay kind.

i choose you before i remember my own name.
i choose you again at noon when i forget
how to be gentle, and you are still
gentle with me.
i choose you when my hands are tired,
when my voice is too quiet to call you by name-
you are already beside me,
as if you were always there.

i don’t just love you.
i live you.

i make space for you at the table
even when the day has been loud and unkind.
i keep your toothbrush next to mine
and my heart where you can see it.
i let you in,
every single day
as if it's the first time,
as if it's the only time.

this is not a fairytale.
this is a life.
our life.
the worn-in joy of it,
the stubborn loyalty of it,
the reaching out again and again
even when the world says turn away.

you are the map i keep learning.
you are the reason the clock feels kind.
you are not a chapter in my story.
you are the pages themselves.

i live you when i make you flowers.
i live you when i fold the shirts.
i live you when i am too angry to speak
and still reach for your hand
in the dark.

and if anyone asks-
why stay? why try?
why love like this?

i will not say the usual things.
i will only say:

i live him.
i live him.
i live him.
and every day, he lets me.