Conflicted

I try to hate you with all my might
from early morning to late at night

I get irritated when you are close to me 
but your absence strangely scares me

I can talk to you for hours long in hall
or not want to talk at all

I admire you unknowingly
from the crowd of world invisibly

my inside smiles when you laugh
my heart crumbles when they brushes you off

I hate for not being able to hate you 
I hate for falling so deep for you

you are endearing in a weird sort of way
that I love to hate you but hate to not love you

                                                                                            ~Nazia Zahra