its been a year..

It’s been a year since

my darling daughter died.

Well, a year ago yesterday,

and I should have visited her

but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house,

so I came today.

I lay by her site

just how she lay in the plain hospital room,

Still and lifeless

surrounded by the nauseating lemon disinfectant

after her father

and I signed her pain away.

I’ll never forgive myself

for leaving her unsupervised

but who could have known that would happen.

So I popped the cork off my bottle of wine

and drank away my afternoon,

and drank away my pain

maybe if I had paid her more attention

Jessie could be laying here with me today.

Once the sun starts to set

I pack up my stuff

keeping her space clean,

just how she would keep her bedroom

and head back to the car.

I turn the key and start my trip home

but as I drive along gravel roads

my eyes wander as they please

I see the sun shining through the trees.

It makes me feel warm,

gives me a sense of understanding

as to why Jessie climbed that tree.

She had always loved a sunset,

just like her father,

just like me.

I round the corner,

swaying along the white dotted line

as the setting sun distracts me,

and I lose control -

everything stops.

A singular gum leaf graces my windshield.