Mindfully Eating

Mindful eating:

Three things you’re grateful

For, two things that will make

Today great, and a positive

Affirmation.

Mindful eating;

A practice I was taught in

Rehab to learn to let myself

Live through tastes, flavors,

Foods and beyond, to find

Meaning in the knife and fork.

Mindful eating:

No phones,

No scales,

No distractions,

No throwing up,

No fasting.

Mindful eating;

I still use it sometimes,

But when I can’t eat I’ll go

On my phone, do something to

Prevent myself from counting

The calories of a granola bar (100).

Mindful eating:

Slow down,

What’s your stomach saying?

Are you full yet,

Are you going to ignore that

Until you feel miserable?

My psychiatrist last week told my

Mom to weigh me every two weeks;

I’m already 184.1 pounds but losing

Weight is clearly a horrible thing.

I’m definitely not losing weight to 

Better myself, but instead to starve.

Tonight I ate my five steak bites and

Bowl of blueberries; I’m trying

To respect my body after eating an

Unhealthy breakfast and still being

Full from lunch, but no: 

“I’m weighing you tomorrow!”

I’ve succumbed to an eating disorder in

The past; I’m trying to fix myself,

To not fast. I’m fourteen and I weigh

A lot; I know, it shows; my body is

Often a punchline and Max S. wouldn’t

Stop talking about it in math.

I guess I was never diagnosed;

I felt no need to be, it was clear to see

That five hundred calories wasn’t healthy

And going two days without food isn’t a 

Good way to cope, especially when being

Skinny was my only hope.

It still is;

A little different this time.

I’m trying, I didn’t check the 

Label on the ham I had for 

Lunch and I’m not weighing myself;

Not making excuses for shitty health.

Mindful eating:

Skinny isn’t my only goal;

I’m eating until I feel comfortably

Full; no less or more.

I’m eating in a way that’s right for me.

I’m eating for me.