“If You’re Still Watching”

I spoke in fire last night—

Too raw, too loud,

From a place I’m leaving behind.

I don’t hate you.

I never did.

Even now, I don’t carry bitterness.

I meant what I said

When I said I loved you—

Not the version I hoped for,

But the one I saw

Beneath the fear,

Beneath the therapy words,

Beneath the voices

Telling you what to feel.

She was real.

And I remember her.

But I’m not waiting anymore.

I’m on a different road now—

Not cleaner, not easier,

But real.

God’s doing something in me

I can’t yet explain.

It’s quieter.

It’s clearer.

And for the first time,

I’m surrounded by people who truly see me—

And I’m finally learning

To see myself that way too.

If the version of you I once loved

Ever comes back—

The one who didn’t run,

Who could sit in truth—

You know how to find me.

You always have.

Maybe one day we talk.

Maybe there’s closure.

Maybe there’s more.

Maybe you come swim.

And it’s not weird.

It’s just good company

Instead of people passing through.

But until then—

If you’re still watching…

Keep watching.

Watch who I’m becoming.

Watch what God is doing.

And then,

Ask yourself

What you really think.

—

Quiet strength.

No chase.

No hate.

Just growth.

Samuel Schumpert