"before the next breath"

arqios

 

“Ephemeral Reverie”

 

 

A pixel’s kiss, a midnight ping

That wakes you from your quiet dream.

We chase each other through glass-lit hours,

Hearts known in half-glimpses, vanish by dawn.

 

No promise carved at time’s deep root—

Just this flicker, bright and swift,

A breeze that runs through shifting leaves,

Gone before the next breath lifts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

...another version:

 

A pixel kisses, midnight pings—

they stir you from a quiet dream.

We chase each other through glass-lit hours,

our hearts half-lit in fleeting gleams,

 

vanishing always with morning’s breath.

 

No promise etched in time's deep root—

just this flicker, bright and swift,

a breeze runs through the shifting leaves,

gone before the next breath lifts.

 

 

 

.


please indicate which worked for you better and possibly

why you preferred one over the other. Thanks kindly.

  • Author: crypticbard (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: August 7th, 2025 02:51
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 13
  • Users favorite of this poem: Cheeky Missy
Get a free collection of Classic Poetry ↓

Receive the ebook in seconds 50 poems from 50 different authors


Comments +

Comments6

  • Cheeky Missy

    The second, easily, thanks to the more particular choices in words, these seeming to elevate the whole until it nearly floated lightly in the ether. [But I'm too fatigued, presently, by third shift; it took a couple attempts before I could even ascertain a difference.] Very beautifully rendered with gorgeous imagery and a tantalizing poignancy. Thank you for sharing.

    • arqios

      I can relate, having just finished a blended shift… my feet are swelling and throbbing, my mind is not functioning… oh dear🙏🏻🕊️

    • sorenbarrett

      It is always difficult to choose in such situations because I am prejudiced by having read one first and that impacts the reading of the second. I have read these over several times each and have preferences from each but overall I believe I like the first rendition best. I like its first line better although I vacillate between the forth line in the first stanza. A difficult choice but I'll stick with the first

      • arqios

        I’m only too familiar with this dilemma but thanks nonetheless for suffering the query. Truly appreciate you🙏🏻🕊️

        • sorenbarrett

          Most welcome

        • Poetic Licence

          I prefer the first, Vanish by dawn rather then fleeting gleams, enjoyed the read

          • arqios

            Thanks friend, that is so good to know. Cheers 🕊️🙏🏻

            • Poetic Licence

              You are very welcome

            • arqios

              ...a third from direct appeal, the jury is still out...

            • 2781

              I'm not sure- I hope it's worth the ping!

              • arqios

                Always worth it, but we’re never sure either👍🏻🕊️🙏🏻

              • orchidee

                Good writes A. I don't know which I prefer. As you mention breath, I been busy doing the not breathing for 24 hours thingy. Gotta save air somehow, but I don't feel well after the 24 hours is up. heehee.

                • arqios

                  Oh wow, fancy some free diving? 🤪



                To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.