“Ephemeral Reverie”
A pixel’s kiss, a midnight ping
That wakes you from your quiet dream.
We chase each other through glass-lit hours,
Hearts known in half-glimpses, vanish by dawn.
No promise carved at time’s deep root—
Just this flicker, bright and swift,
A breeze that runs through shifting leaves,
Gone before the next breath lifts.
.
...another version:
A pixel kisses, midnight pings—
they stir you from a quiet dream.
We chase each other through glass-lit hours,
our hearts half-lit in fleeting gleams,
vanishing always with morning’s breath.
No promise etched in time's deep root—
just this flicker, bright and swift,
a breeze runs through the shifting leaves,
gone before the next breath lifts.
.
please indicate which worked for you better and possibly
why you preferred one over the other. Thanks kindly.
-
Author:
crypticbard (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: August 7th, 2025 02:51
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 17
- Users favorite of this poem: Cheeky Missy
Offline)
Comments6
The second, easily, thanks to the more particular choices in words, these seeming to elevate the whole until it nearly floated lightly in the ether. [But I'm too fatigued, presently, by third shift; it took a couple attempts before I could even ascertain a difference.] Very beautifully rendered with gorgeous imagery and a tantalizing poignancy. Thank you for sharing.
I can relate, having just finished a blended shift… my feet are swelling and throbbing, my mind is not functioning… oh dear🙏🏻🕊️
It is always difficult to choose in such situations because I am prejudiced by having read one first and that impacts the reading of the second. I have read these over several times each and have preferences from each but overall I believe I like the first rendition best. I like its first line better although I vacillate between the forth line in the first stanza. A difficult choice but I'll stick with the first
I’m only too familiar with this dilemma but thanks nonetheless for suffering the query. Truly appreciate you🙏🏻🕊️
Most welcome
I prefer the first, Vanish by dawn rather then fleeting gleams, enjoyed the read
Thanks friend, that is so good to know. Cheers 🕊️🙏🏻
You are very welcome
...a third from direct appeal, the jury is still out...
I'm not sure- I hope it's worth the ping!
Always worth it, but we’re never sure either👍🏻🕊️🙏🏻
Good writes A. I don't know which I prefer. As you mention breath, I been busy doing the not breathing for 24 hours thingy. Gotta save air somehow, but I don't feel well after the 24 hours is up. heehee.
Oh wow, fancy some free diving? 🤪
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